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[ces67]

Thanks all. Been an emotionally draining week but that was expected given that i opened the door to some very raw emotions for both w and me.

We started talking around 10pm. W had the email printed. W said she had no intention of defending herself on a list of accusations. I responded that I was sharing how I felt and why I felt that way. Here is what she said in general

Argued And denied that she managed the kids any different than in the past.
Said she would not be gone the 6 or 7 weeks I had claimed and that it would only be 5. (after reviewing her schedule on the calendar she is gone 5 full weeks and part of 2 other weeks at the beginning and end. The two partial weeks equal a full week so it really is 6 weeks but have not mentioned this to W)

With the money she had little to say and tried to throw it back on me for canceling her credit cards and opening my own account. With this I had to point out the multiple attempts to talk with her, her unwillingness to stop spending and how I knew no other way to keep from maxing out the cards which were our only fall back at the time for emergencies.

One thing she did add was that she thought she might spend to help her feel better when she felt judged or unloved or alone. She talked about how little she had growing up and buying things makes her feel good.

The big statement was that she did not plan on leaving. She said the kids needed to grow up with a mother and father in the same house.

Of course this left the question of how we actually deal with one another while living in the same house. This did not get answered in any great clarity

So where does this leave us?
We agreed to work together on how our tax refund will be used
She will consider doing the budget process with me and joining our finances as long as she has some money of her own to do what she wants. I was fine with this as long as we still shared info and were honest with each other
She said she would go back to marriage counseling. However, I asked her to think more about this because I did not want her to do it because she felt pressured to do so. I said that would only frustrate us both.
She liked the counselor we had but it was a long drive for her which she didn't like. I said we could look for someone closer but I wanted them to be pro-marriage even if they were not a Christian counselor as our last one had been.

The talk was very serious but not loud. There were several times where we just sat in silence waiting fornthenother to talk. It faded into general conversations about schedules and activities. That's when I brought it back to "where do we go from here?" and got the items above.

So that was my night last night. We've done ok today with the basics but haven't hit any big topics. S13 had a field day today so I attended and then s13, W and me went out to lunch. W even made an effort to have conversation.

I'm exhausted in many ways but ok