Hoping my marriage can be saved :(

[Maggie3]

That's great advice Ben. I think I will do that!! I've already been trying to fill people's buckets after a book I read. I think of myself and I think I am very positive, happy, I make people feel good. But then i think back to my R and I think I got to a point where I wasn't doing that as much to H. Although that goes both ways- he wasn't giving me much to praise him for.

Just cried my whole ride home from work- about 25 minutes. Now I'm going to go to the gym. Hopefully that will help. I called my mom for some emotional support and that usually makes things worse as she is a fixer not a listener. I mentioned the roommate idea and she did not support it. She was like you just need to get out of that house it's not going to be a good situation, etc. I told her I need to take smaller steps- this is a lot at once and I have nowhere to go. She said I could live there (no!) or find a place. I love my house. I just can't bare losing EVERYTHING all at once. She doesn't get that.

I find weekends a challenge in my GALing. Most of my friends are married or pregnant. Plus I wonder what H is doing all weekend. Ugh.

H and I were always into horse racing and usually did fun stuff during each triple crown race. I feel anxious bc I want to do something fun for the derby but my gf's aren't into it and I'm nervous to see my H out.