heartbroken I am trying to figure out what changes he would like to see in me and remember what faults he in found in my behaviour and how I can correct those.
Kaffe thank you so much for your insight. During one of my angry outbreaks I did say there's no way that you can mean what you say that you want us to work out when you're pursuing a quite serious relationship. His behaviour says that he enjoys spending time with me (when it suits him), that he's enjoying lots of time for his hobbies and special projects, and the attention of OW
We had agreed that we were definitely getting divorced and it was fine to see other people. Actually now that I think about it. I may have decided it was fine to see other people and never really had a discussion with him about it. He was never upset or expressed the smallest bit of jealousy or sadness about me dating. It wasn't until after he was seeing someone that he admitted to me that it tore him up inside that he cried all the time, but never let me see it.
I'm not sure what taunting/teasing is I will have to look into it. And I will get the book.
It is true that I remember how I felt in the beginning. Guilty that he wasn't moving on and was sad/depressed/hurting. Thrilled that other people still found me attractive/interesting/fun/worth their time. A bit Giddy at everything single life could now offer. Relieved that I was no longer responsible for his happiness.
I had decided that we had become two differnt people (something he's said lately) and that would never change. But then it did/has. Even small things like him making a doctor's appointment for a condition he never did anything about. For myself I have lost almost 40 pounds (I gained about 55 in the marriage) I made a list of things I want to do/try: hobbies, clubs, restaurants. I've become a pretty great cook. He was really impressed the last two times he came over and had new dishes that I never made when we were together.
One of my biggest fears is that he won't make a concious decision about our relationship. It will always be matter of timing and going with the flow. The fact that he's called his new relationship serious to me and she's the FIRST person he met makes me think he's not really making decisions just taking an easy route.
I remember being quite determined like I had blinders on. I was scared as hell and hurt and being determined that divorce was the right thing to do made things a bit easier. It wasn't until I'd gotten used to the idea of being single again and then saw his behaviour change that it shook me up.
I told him that I didn't think about us in the beginning I just stayed really busy. Took on extra projects at work, went to loads of events, spent time with friends. He said you're right. He said he's been keeping himself busy right now and it's true. Sometimes he send me pictures of things he's made lamps, clocks, etc which must have taken hours.
I have read the 37 rules and I am attempting to 180.
