Letting people live their lives and GALing...

[AntoniaB]

Ok, so I'm back for an epic rant, I guess...

I have spent nearly 3 years "alone." If you count up the time I was single when XH left me time number one, and add it to time number two which extends to now, it's nearly 3 years.

I am smart,kind, funny, entirely financially self-sufficient, take care of a 1 plus acre property on my own, take care of 8 cats on my own (used to be 10, mind you), handle EVERYTHING that comes my way on my own, and on top of that, I still keep my nails and pedicure done; I keep my hair nice; I wear makeup and look nice; and I'm charming and witty to boot. AND I AM NOT CODEPENDENT.

So.

I am single. I don't even find men to DATE.

WTF??? Do you know what everyone, I mean EVERYONE, tells me?? That I am TOO ACCOMPLISHED. TOO SMART. TOO EVERYTHING. That I "scare" men. That I have to "dumb myself down" or have no hope of a dinner out.

(frankly I can buy my own dinner out, but I digress)

Really???

So it has come to this? A woman can be nearly emotionally destroyed by the man she wanted to love the rest of her life. She can nearly commit suicide. More than once. She can spend months in a horrific PTSD limbo where she must talk herself out of doing herself in over him, only to find that when she rises above it all, NO ONE, I mean NO ONE, finds her a worthy mate?? Everyone is paired up already, and those who aren't paired up are just too scared of commitment to "settle" with someone like her?

Seriously, people, there is something really wrong with this picture. I am as "over" XH as I am gonna be. YES he will always be with me on some level, but he's really not in my peripheral vision anymore. I am ready for someone else. For another life. And there are ZERO prospects.

I will be the first to tell you. It doesn't matter how many books I write, how many presentations I give, how many times I get accolades for my "brains." It cuts me to the quick to be totally honest, that I am "alone." I look around me and despite all my numerous "single" accomplishements, which number a ton, I still feel like I have failed, because I can't get one man to want me completely.

It's sad, really. I try so hard to not care, but I do.

And that is my epic honest rant for all of you. I want so much to say that having another person to share things with doesn't matter but I can't bring myself to say it. To me, it does matter. I wish it didn't.