Just jotting down my feelings at this time. I am feeling a lot of insecurities at this time. I feel that they are all on my part. It is just so close to the time that my husband left. Mothers day night is when it all happened. I do not want to celebrate it all I want to do is run away. Far away. I just remember what I thought was a normal day and then 29 years of marriage poof gone. I just want strength to do the right thing and not let my defenses kick in trying to protect myself. From what I do not know my husband has been great. I am the one that keeps looking for things. I do not want to be caught of guard again. I do not know when you can say you have reconciled when one person (me) is afraid and can not fully trust. I hope that one day I will be able to but for now I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure nothing is creeping up on me that I do not suspect.
One day I hope that all of this is behind me and feel like I did before.
M 48 H 51 Married 30 S 29 D 28 GD 5 GS 17 months Sep May 2011 H home 8-18-11
