Had a good session with my DB coach today. He did give me a little perspective about avoidant personalities. I felt good after talking to him. We talked about boundaries, and how he needs to call before he comes over, we need to have a set schedule, that he should treat it like any other "friend's" house. He also talked about how he sees H "testing" me right now, to see if he can make me angry, which in an emotion I freely express that he is extremely uncomfortable with.
I talked to H via email today and we are definitely telling the kids tomorrow after work. He is meeting alone with our MC to come up with a script, which he will email to me before he comes over. I have asked him to do most of the explaining, since this is his choice.
Tonight my S4 threw the biggest tantrum I have seen yet. He is obviously in pain, and a lot of it. I realize that I am starting to really dislike my H. I understand there were things he wasn't happy with, but hey how about a conversation about it before you decide it's "too broken". I can handle it, I feel myself being stronger by the day, but the impact this has on my children is what I don't think I can forgive him for.
My coach today was talking about patience, and how much this takes. It is hard to have patience when I see my child in pain. My Moma Bear is out now. I want to protect them, it is all I can think of. I want to follow the principles of the DBing, becoming a better person, realizing my full potential. I am up for the task. Unfortunately for my children, I don't think my H has the same goals for himself. I think tonight was my turning point for letting go of outcome as far as my H is concerned. I need to focus on myself and my children.
M 37, H 37 M 10, T 12 S 4 D 2 3/14/12 ILYBNILWY 4/2/12 H consults a L, files nothing 4/26/12 H moves to his new place
