Thank you, BMom. I have been thinking a lot about that lately. Whenever I have our son, I connect with her whenever she requests. Partially because I want to ease her pain of not seeing him, but also because I feel that it is important to spend time together - and is seems like that might be the only way that it will happen. Regardless, I have put serious thought into just keeping him to myself most of the time when I have him. Not to build a "scorecard" but it's not like she reaches out to me much when she has him.
I guess that leads me to what's been going through my head today. Is my situation hopeless?
My w says a lot of nice things:
She's open to working on things There aren't a lot of "good" guys out there like me Still thinks I am handsome Wants another child Thinks that I have become a really good dad Has said she really doesn't want to date
And so on and so forth. But when it comes down to it, it's not like she is actively trying to connect with me. Quite the opposite, really. Sure - we meet for dinner here and there, but there are moments where I wonder if it's just to see the baby.
Maybe I should be long past the stage of asking these questions, but I think I have lost the ability to objectively view my situation. Are there positives even though my wife is still drifting towards divorce? I really can't tell anymore.
I have said this before, but part of me really believes that she has come so far down this D paths....we have had to spend 10's of thousands of dollars on L's, she's moved out - that maybe she feels as thought she has to just DO this to follow through. Otherwsie, she would look crazy. Hence she told me in e-mail "I am guessing that once divorced, you will no longer want to work on the relationship and I understand that". Almost as if she WANTS to work on the relationship AFTER the divorce.
Someone here used the analogy (crazyville, I think) that it's like cancelling a wedding in reverse. Each step in the divorce process is an escalating commitment and it becomes harder and harder to turn back.
When I look at everyone else's situation here - there seems to be a nice, long lag between when the spouse declares she/he wants a D and when the actual FILING takes place. Almost as if there is a cooling, reflective period. 11 days. That was how much time passed between w dropping the bomb and me getting papers in my hand. She decided, got a lawyer the same week, and it was all done. At times I wonder if she thinks she acted too quickly. Maybe, maybe not.
Maybe the D will be a weight off of her shoulders and she will feel "better" that it is over and she went through with it.
