NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station)

[WenikiTiki]

Yesterday turned out okay after all. My oldest son and his wife and my two granddaughters hung out with me. We had Denny's brunch, went to the mall and bought shoes for the girls, andsome shirts and a racer back bra for me. (To go with my new shirts showing off my yoga arms!

I got my quilt worked on while they went home and changed for dinner. We went to the Mongolian BBQ and it was fun. My friend brought me a cake.

We got back to my house and H was watching TV. Earlier I had sent him a text telling him I had fed the dogs and that we were headed out to dinner. (Since we were leaving the kids car and taking mine, I didn't want him to be too confused,)

He sent me a text saying OK, then another saying he had a late meeting and just got home. It also said: "Have fun." We hadn't discussed anything about any plans for my birthday. So I wasn't really worried about including him in these plans.

I understand some people think we can remain friends thru a D. I just don't know how. Then when we got home there was a bithday card from him waiting for me. A funny one and only signed with his name, no "Love". Of course after the anniversary card he gave me signed love followed by that same night him telling me plainly he still wanted to D........ he might have learned one lesson.

I just wonder when I will get over waking up in the morning and reaching over for him. That 33 year habit is hard to break. And when I realize that he really is GONE, he considers himself to be OW's now it is just hard.

This isn't playing out well. Circumstances beyond my control. I don't think he will get it for awhile. Like maybe a year after living with her.

And everyone says I will find a better life. Which is too bad, I wanted to keep the life I had. Sure wish I could have fixed it. I guess I will always love my STBX. I will just have to keep on letting go, anyway.

I guess there will be room in my heart to love someone else. At least my dogs cuddle with me!