Stuck in Holding Pattern

[ben11]

I wouldn't say I'm done completely. I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm moving on, because I feel that it's the only way to truly get W back; for the both of us to believe that I'm over it.

Basically what I meant about going to Europe is if after 4-5 more months of the same of this, I'd rather just go as a pure bachelor. And it's easy for you to think that I'm going with the goal of man-whoring it up, but I'm not really that type of guy. I saved myself for M. I'm much more of a drink-beers-in-a-pub type of guy, but I'd like to just let whatever happens happen without feeling guilt.

Also, if we were to somehow R, Europe trip would probably be off. It's most likely she wouldn't be able to get the time to take off to make it worth while.

Good luck Ben-hope at least you learned something so you aren't in the same boat in 3 years

Not sure if this you're being serious here...

What can I say... I'm obviously conflicted still. That's why I ramble on this board instead of having stupid conversations with my W. I'd love to just ask her now WTF she want's to do, if she thinks she wants a D, if she still loves me, what could I do to prove to her I truly want to be with her, etc.

She knows how I feel, I wrote her that letter. I guess I just fear that she'll have the mentality that I wrote the letter, but I'm not following up on it at all. Kind of the same thought she had when she wrote me the card in Feb and it didn't go well.

... ahh life, so confusing at times.