I think Walking's post is excellent, and hope it will offer you encouragement as well as food for thought.
I think one of the problems that has arisen because of going to Retrouvaille so early, is that you've been encouraged to talk about the M with your H. However, neither of you is really at the point to be able to do that. He is still in MLC, which means he's led by his emotions, not reason, and emotions can easily change, even in the course of a few minutes. You are deeply affected by his words, whether they're positive or negative, but there's no lasting intention behind them. By all means, validate his emotions--they're very real--but don't plan your future on them.
The most important lesson we can learn during a marriage crisis is to "hold on to ourselves," to learn to understand and soothe and respect ourselves to the point where we can't be thrown off track by another person's anger, depression, demands, etc. If you find yourself feeling suicidal because of H's words or actions, you need to keep working on yourself to get to the point where you love and accept yourself, regardless of his choices.
I agree, nobody can make any changes until they're ready, but I think that's still the target you want to aim for, to stop trying to control the endpoint of his journey in any way, while getting yourself to the point where you genuinely don't NEED anyone outside yourself. When you reach this point, he will notice, and know that for the first time he is really risking losing you.
That's an excellent post, Cyrena. I think the bolded part, especially, very intuitively hits the nail on the head as to why this is so difficult right now for Angel.
