Not sure where to start, Part 2

[wishing, hoping]

I think H is so full of guilt and shame that he can't even be in the same room with me for long. I am DB'ing my butt off and being nice and acting "as if" and not trying to make him feel guilty. I think that makes it even worse for him. I think he expects me to be angry and bitter and I think, like a sullen teenager, or a child, he feels even worse when I am nice to him and treat him with respect. So how can I get him to feel comfortable around me if when I am nice and civil it pushes him away?

I am starting to see cracks in the foundation of this perfect fantasy he has created in his mind. So I am going to live my life and take care of my kids, step off the roller coaster and just sit back and watch. Then evaluate.