I have not looked at the DB forums for a while because I feel I have finally achieved some clarity with my own situation.
GWN I am saddened to read that your situation has caught up with you in the way that it has or had. It is amazing that total strangers can have such compassion for each other, as demonstrated here on DB. I find that well of empathy to be heart warming. I have found even total strangers display more empathy than my W ever did. Friends simply do not treat each other the way our ex's have treated us.
In my case I know that the person I loved and pursued, built a life around and planned a future with never existed. I know I was used as a means of filling a very deep void. I now realise that my W never loved me, in the normal sense, and is incapable of forming a normal emotional attachment to anyone, even her children.
Love is a decision we make and there are a great many people out there that we could choose to love. We need to learn the lessons and choose carefully. Most importantly we must love ourselves accepting who we are.
GWN you seem like the sort of person many people would be pleased to be in a relationship with. The fact that your H has behaved the way he has is no reflection on you. This his personality disorder, normal people do not act this way. Period. Normal people react the way you have.
It is a while since you posted so I truly hope you are feeling better about life. Letting go of dreams is hard, time for some new ones?
Life is good you will come through this!! Good luck!!
