"It's different this time. I know myself better. It's not like then." Well when I look at the pieces it's exactly the same.
Hi. I'm in a lot of pain. I just needed somewhere to vent thank you. As you can see from this thread I'm not new. Somewhere along the line we dropped the working on it part.
What's crazy and difficult to me is that I can't let go. It's been less than a week so perhaps it won't be so difficult for me this time. But as days go by It's been getting harder.
As things revealed themselves to me I didn't put up very much resistance. Some for sure, but not a whole lot. And I did do the whole "I love you..." thing. But when I thought we...Oh I'm such an idiot. We'd agreed to split. I couldn't handle this one more time. I was delusional (it has always happened this way for us) however because somewhere in my mind this was going to be amicable. Maybe we'd work it out. When she went out to mingle around OM after work instead of coming home to help me it was clear that it wasn't going to be amicable for me. Prior to that OM was just a "someone who showed interest." I lost my mind but not completely.
I told her she made me feel worthless, that all of this time we'd spent together now felt worthless. It does.
I realize I've created a situation that punishes me in my most vulnerable place. I really don't know how to handle that. Other than the do nothing, sit on it, take care of yourself program.
I've only since seen her to pick up what I'd hoped would be the last of my stuff. It's only been days. I've been a model of the last resort technique since the big day.
I'm writing because I'm bothered that I would want her back at all. I wanted out too right? This is sick.
