I'm so glad that I could help kimmerz. Letting go is so, so hard. I'm struggling with it. I go through every day knowing someone is missing. When I married it really was for life. Also, like you, I always have a need to take action and to make sense of things. Remember, change = hope. We need to change kimmerz. Living in fear and controlling things/people didn't work out so well. We can't go into the future being the same way. What's happened has brought us to our knees. God has our attention now. We need to let go and let things happen. (I say "we" because from your posts we seem to be so similar. If I'm wrong, please forgive me.) It's all so hard, empty, lonely.
Have you ever read The Four Agreements? If not, I really encourage you to read it. I've applied the agreements to my friendships, but didn't think of relating them to my marriage breakdown. They are: be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions and always do your best. The book expands on these at length and might help you now. I'm going to pull it out again along with some others that I read early on in all of this. Like all belief systems, if you buy into it it takes tremendous courage to trust in the belief and let everything else go. This is incredibly hard for me. I just want to know that after all that I've been through my H will come back in the end and because of our journeys we will have the marriage of our dreams. Of course, there is no way to know. I'm just not ready to let go of that possibility yet. In the meantime, I keep trying to move forward while praying for a miracle.
