sorry if my post seemed too harsh. I don't know how to reach you. And I really have spent some time with the neighbor's family, and I can't help but feel frustrated at your choice to stay so miserable.
It strikes me as a bit self indulgent.
You have sons Who want to learn from you, but are young enough to have expecations and admiration for you--that can change-- how they MUST be so frightened by how weakened you choose to be.
And I swear to you - after what I have seen here w/my neighbor
(and my brother in law who had a brain tumor at age 32 and died 11 years later b/c he never gave up and perhaps b/c he wsa British, he never complained about the unfairness of it either. I swear, NOT ONCE did he complain-- I said that at his funeral too...geez **No wonder the Naziis couldn't break the Brit's will, those people love life and they are stoic)
Other things I've seen in real life- show me that you are making the choice to stay stuck and sad...yes it IS A CHOICE YOU are making.
The venting? AJ has a point about its' potential value, I've done it and it CAN help... but how's it helping YOU?
If all you do with the venting is VENT, and NOT do YOUR OWN PERSONAL WORK, you just stay stuck in the "Why me?" And the blame game, so it just reinforces staying stuck. At this stage - you need to ONLY be working on you b/c your FORMER wife is a "lost" cause or simply somone not in your life. She's done...and
imo--The true purpose of venting is only to keep you from "venting elsewhere" ---Like snapping at your kids or your boss and hurting YOU...
or calling your former wife;...venting is the alternative to drunk dialing and other more self destructive acts.
Note I said "Former wife"...that's right--b/c she's NOT your wife SOOOO
NONE of what she does now, with OM or w/her money or what she says
matters at all. [u] NONE OF IT .[/u] Not your business at all...
She may as well live in another city, b/c she is not in your life now.
MOVE FORWARD, drop the rope...expect nothing from her but odd nastiness.
And stop wondering "why why why??? or HOW did it all happen? How could she love me then and not now?" USELESS questions with no answers that keep you stuck some more...AND OR bring you more pain but mostly they are indulgent b/c you KNOW you want reassurance that does not exist. You want us to comfort but you need to learn how to do that for yourself...self soothe. Affirm yourself, pick yourself up, etc.
I told you about the cancer camp I went to with kids who USED to ask God why they were sick - but they finally accepted that they just were sick and
they had to enjoy their time left. AND THEY DID... Same for my neighbor's child...a She's not stuck asking the same questions...I believe she literally got thru that in a WEEK...maybe 2...she's a kid.
you are still asking the same darn questions you asked when you first got here.
YES TAD, it's sad but true.
You do ask them less often, but sometimes I think that is b/c you are aware enough to censor your words here -
but I have the feeling you still ask yourself or those around you the same questions you did back then... Make new choices, and live a better life, by choice.
I keep going back to your sons b/c I hope that down deep somewhere inside you, that your love for them will help you snap out of this.
Your X wife knows where to find you and how to reach you ---if she ever goes back to normal & wants to reconcile. For now, she does NOT...accept that and don't ask why b/c it does not matter.] If you blew it and did something really wrong in your m, you won't discover that by playing the victim & blaming her STILL....
and IF you did not blow it and if you really were a great h, then she matters even less now.
You need almost NO contact with her and almost no interactions. So you can heal if you want. The real question to me is, do you want to heal? I truly can't tell.
I hope so.
(((( ))))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
