Are you remaining open to possible reconcilation with your husband, even post-D if necessary, if she could clean up his act and demonstrate consistency in that regard?
Do you still love him?
Hard questions for what's supposed to be a casual Friday, I know . . . so shoot me.
Starsky
I don't know the answers to that at this point Starsky. I do know that he is currently not choosing to change some of those behaviors and in fact is using this time to do them more often. Sad, but true.
I just know that I am doing what is right for me and for the boys now and that is all I can focus on.
We have found a way to co-parent so far, and I know the kids feel the tension is way less. For that I am very happy.
In fact, just this morning STBX sent me an email to see if I was interested in splitting our vacation rental so that the kids get a full week. We would each take/pay for half the week.
To be honest, I think that would be tough and possibly confusing for the kids. Too many memories of family time there. But I asked him if I could think it over and get back to him. He appreciated it.
I truly hope we continue getting along this way, it is best for all involved.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
You will know without a doubt when you are done. Until then keep going for you.
I do know for sure that I am done with this, as it is now. This marriage has been over for some time, as it is completely unhealthy for all. I crossed my own boundaries in an effort to have an intact family, and I will never do that again.
I can't think of anything that would make me want to reconcile at this point. I do hope he gets healthy some day, for himself and for the boys. I don't wish anything bad for him. I just wish happiness for me.
If and when things change, and STAY changed . . . who knows? Treat him with civility and give much grace (as I know you will), while still maintaining your family's boundaries, and you will have done well.
Very proud of you, Autumn, and while I'm sorry that your marriage isn't working out, I am nevertheless very happy to see YOU happy, and you and your kids HEALTHY. What you are teaching them, in terms of "how to manage a crisis" in their lives, is GOLD.
I will continue to support you in any way that I can.
I don't wish anything bad for him. I just wish happiness for me.
And that is the most healthy statement you could make. I'm pulling for your success Autumn and praying for your STBXH to become aware of the damage he is doing to himself and your boys and take action.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
And Starsky my friend, you have been so supportive and I really hoped at one point to be a success story like you, but I think I've finally realized that I am a success story. I was able to save myself and will be able to be the best mom my boys deserve. For that I am proud!!
Well, I'm not very good at that whole poetic-double-space thing, but yeah -- I'm pretty sure I agree with that!
I would probably say "There is no failure for you in not being with someone who refuses to meet your emotional needs, and who continues to act in a way that is not healthy for you and your children," but that's just me.
Well, I guess it was inevitable that things would turn. We were amicable and discussing kids and finances only, and doing it quite well. Last night we had a brief conversation about S17's prom. Ended it saying that we were relieved we could do this and hope it continues.
Ugh not so much...
This morning I got a notification from the joint bank account that didn't match what he was saying to me. I forwarded it and asked "is this accurate, as I haven't touched this account at all" He said that it was and asked me to move money to cover and proceeded to tell me 'how hard this is for him, he is extra frugal and packing lunch' and 'everything I take from there is for the house and kids' Proceeded to act like a victim, and blame me for "his situation"
I responded "its an unfortunate consequence of infidelity, please do not discuss finances with me any longer and please don't email me again"
I will now let my L handle finances. He will be served in the next day or two.
I am choosing happiness for me today and will not engage with him at all.
