H dropped a mini bombshell a few days ago. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I'm looking for the positives but it definitely puts a big kink in my sitch.
A bit of background:
When H dropped the bomb back in October and left, I had decided I really needed a plan to become financially independent. The alimony H is giving me is plenty to live on, but it isn't going to last forever, nor should it. So I decided that once the house sells, I'll be going back to school to finish my degree in psychiatric/mental health nursing.
It's curious how life unfolds in just the way you need it sometimes.
I am a total nerd at heart. I don't usually read novels, I think the last one I read was The Da Vinci Code (seriously). My personal library is full of fiction. Mostly self-help stuff, parenting books, spirituality, history books, some travel stuff, etc...like I said I'm a real nerd at heart. Anyway...I frequent used book stores a lot, I suppose it's my thrifty side showing through. A few months ago I found some psych nursing textbooks that weren't terribly out of date (2010) so I picked them up, thinking I may as well get a head start and hopefully I can make at least a couple of semesters a bit easier on myself.
A few days ago I was talking with H about what I'd been learning from these textbooks, telling him that I'm confident that I'm probably going to sail through most of these courses, although I might have a bit of a hard time with the pharmachology, there's a lot of psychiatric drugs out there that I'll need to know inside and out.
This is when the mini bombshell came. H confessed that prior to his psychotic episode and admission to the hospital, he'd been abusing benzodiazepines for several months. I had no idea. I mean, I knew he had the Rx but had no idea he'd been taking it more than perscribed. So much makes sense now.
A big complication but also explains so much. It pretty much explains everything. Past and present.
My feelings are still running in every direction. I think it's probably safe to assume that shame is the reason why H kept it from me for so long. I didn't ask him why so it is just an assumption.
I do know if I saw the perscribing doctor on the street I would seriously go up to him and ask him WTH was he thinking in giving H refills...
I honestly don't know what this means for our future, not that it really changes anything. It looks like it could be up to another year before it's known if any of the damage to his brain is permanent.
At least now I know what happened to my H and the reason for all his out of character behaviour.
M:36 WAH:41 M:16 T:17 D:12 SS:21 Bomb: IDLY 10/29/11 Separated same day, about an hour after the bomb.
I don't usually read novels, I think the last one I read was The Da Vinci Code (seriously). My personal library is full of fiction. Mostly self-help stuff, parenting books, spirituality, history books, some travel stuff, etc...like I said I'm a real nerd at heart. Anyway...I frequent used book stores a lot, I suppose it's my thrifty side showing through. A few months ago I found some psych nursing textbooks that weren't terribly out of date (2010) so I picked them up, thinking I may as well get a head start and hopefully I can make at least a couple of semesters a bit easier on myself. 
