Hi all!

Thanks Wonder for your "assessment"

I had to smile when I read that.


I also think you are right, those were not random incidents but rather a message to me to see some of my own worth.(Boy did I ever need it!) No denying, it was GREAT for the ego!


Well, that week was pretty weird all around.
A homecoming of a strange sort to my empty, lifeless house,that used to be our home. Hard to see it all disheveled and unheated with nothing now but dirty carpet and walls that are in need of a coat of paint.

A "confrontation" (meeting Shark lady) unexpectedly, which I was actually prepared for before I left, but was rather hoping would not happen, in reality I was torn on this. I would have LOVED to show her up and take her to pieces, but at the same time I was afraid of my own reaction to her, or rather my inability to hide my extreme dislike of her in front of T and anyone else present. ????????

An immersion in T's lawsuit world, which I soooooo resent because it left us in such bad shape last year

Deadline pressures on the books which meant T's preoccupation with finishing, rather than have some leisure time with me in our "burgh".

A heartfelt time with our youngest D22 , and a gigantic physical move of stuff and household goods for both D22 (finally graduating and leaving college) and my sorting through our own home's remaining things. Then the mad dash back down to NC! I DROVE THE WHOLE WAY!!

only to be met with our ELDEST S27 on our doorstep the evening we returned. Which rolled right into 2 hectic days of shopping and prep for Christmas and another wild trip to get the girls back safely home through Virginia and the storm that dumped 14 inches just where they were going!!

I haven't felt much like posting, mostly because I think nothing has come up that I felt unsure about handling since we got back and the holidays just came too fast and furious after our trip! I've been to content to stay off line and just poke my head up here and there to say HI!!
I try to keep up with everyone's posts but end up feeling rather guilty when I don't have time to post to everyone I'd like to!!!

I cannot begin to tell you all how much my "discovery" of T's passive aggressive nature has been for me.
This has been the real key.

I see EVERYTHING about our interactions now sooo totally different.
In an odd twist, have been able to empathize with where he gets his perceptions from.
I have such a different view of him now.
I see someone who is not all that sure of himself. Not really in control of very much and very defensive when it comes right down to it.

I have begun to look at NOT being married to him and what that would mean for me AND for him.
For a few weeks there between Thanksgiving and New Years I wasn't so sure I could do this.....be married to SUCH a p/a man.......but, I continue to see growth and potential.

I even have stood more firmly and solidly, when trying to discuss issues. Surprise, surprise!!

But for all this, I now see myself as a much stronger person and I seem to see his weaknesses more than ever.


I will no longer let hurtful things he says just go unresponded to.
I no longer ignore, bad moments or uncomfortable silences....these get addressed.

I also have been trying to be assuring with lots of physical affection and really listening when we talk, LOTS of EYE CONTACT!! Can't stress how important THAT is.......and continued assurances that I want him and find HIM desirable.
But I have been careful to not hover and to act rather indifferent when he gets a phone call or emails.( I will however continue to occassionally snoop and listen in when I can without resorting to contortioning my body to hear!

Next up is confronting him when he is P/A with one of the kids......

I think this area is going to be a greater challenge, because I musn't come off as though am defending "them" but rather trying to point out how HIS behavior hurts and alienates them.....maybe he'll get the point that HE has been the one damaging his relationships with them ALL ALONG!!!!

Love and Hugs,
Trish