My Story/Mixed Messages...

[2012sf]

This morning I texted my husband to decide whether or not to send our son to school. He didn't want to go and I couldn't decide which way to go with it and ended up asking H what he thought. I was glad I did. He must be feeling good this morning about getting his tattoo done, he was very talkative and we texted back and forth about our son for awhile, then he was saying how excited he was to get the tattoo work done today, so I was asking about some of that and being excited with him. We meet up later today at the doctor's office to get the official cast put on our son's arm. I said I thought it would be neat to see how it all looks (the tattoo work) and he said it might be late when it gets finished tonight, but he would run by in the morning and show it to me! Surprised me, I don't usually get any offers of time together unless the kids are present or we have something we are working on together. It is a babystep and I will take it as such!

This is where I am being more careful and mindful myself, because I get impatient and things feel good again now and I end up pushing a little too much, and he initiates a relationship talk that ends up in a disasterous mess. No pushing! That is what I have to keep in my head at all times! I need him to keep the babysteps coming and come to me. I just need to keep up with the positive attitude, be interested in him, validate him, non-confrontational, and not pressure him about the divorce talk, our relationship, or anything. When I step back, he comes to me a little, so I have to remember that. I need to use today to build on these small steps and let them all add up to something big, not get impatient and keep destroying all of the progress. I know from past experience that doesn't work. I can't keep trying the same thing that doesn't work.