Picking up where we left off . . . I'm OnMyWay

[OnMyWay]

Had our transparency chat. I took the track of oldtimer, outlined my ideas about expectations and giving ourselves a fair chance at success without outside influence, etc. Offered full transparency myself. Even discussed setting goals for creating a place of openness, transparency, and honesty, where we can both feel safe and build trust.

She took her usual defensive posture, while I tried to be open and honest, yet get my points across. Some of her responses (paraphrased and in no particular order) were:


"Hey, I screwed up, what do you want me to do?" with regards to her phone call.

"I've been reconsidering divorce...On a scale of 1 to 10, the feeling is a 7.5"

"I don't wanna see your..." boring work email to OW. "There may be an attraction, but I see no relationship between you two and it doesn't compare to my R with OM. She's no threat to me. She doesn't even live here. Now the fact you had sex with someone else..." basically makes me a hypocrite in that I had previously judged W for her affairs and that is something she has a problem with.

"Everyone says happiness is a choice, well, I'm choosing to be happy with you, but it's not working."

"My R with OM is really a great friendship, first, and that has been very important to me. That is something I don't have with you."

"Look, I've told you before, I don't expect the OM to be waiting for me when this is all over. I can't expect he won't move on with his life. That's still doesn't change the fact that this isn't working..." between us.

"You just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll just do it your way and that..." will basically be the end of this discussion. "So, tell me what do I do? Do we start having sex once a week?" (that was an odd one).

"One thing about all this, I do feel we communicate MUCH better now than before." (I think this is one of the small miracles 25 spoke of)

Just before bed, she added, "I don't want to write a contract or anything with you on this transparency thing." To which, I replied, "That's where the honesty comes in. This is the honor system. Let's just be more open and talk about this stuff."


I'll leave this open to interpretation from you all. My initial feeling is this is good old-fashioned WAW stuff and feels like the "old days" with her pulling back. To which, I think my response must be to go dark with regards to much of this - I got my ideas across and she understood what I was telling her. My intuition is telling me, "time to step back and give her LOTS of breathing room."