Go, show your support and class and don't let her see you sweat. She doesn't need to know that there are butterflies in your tummy. For that matter, neither does your H.
Go get 'em, girl! I'll be pulling for you. (And thanks for your e-hugs on my thread too!)
Love, Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
What did Betsey call it? Doing a “Bob Barker”? There’s hardly a better façade in the world than a genuine bright, unflagging cheerfulness. It sucks at aggression and resentment like a vaccum cleaner.
She won’t be able to push your buttons because you HAVE NO BUTTONS! You’re a wonderful, secure, happy wife supporting her dear husband in times of strife. You’re secure because having you, no man would even THINK to look elsewhere, and you know it.
Go, and look fabulous, and enjoy yourself as much as possible under the circumstances.
Got in last night after about 8 hours of driving. I drove most of the way so he could write on the book.
He absolutely avoided all physical contact before we left.
The day started off just okay, we went TOGETHER to get the rental SUV.
I got the mail and his perscription (another 20 minute wait at cvs) at least he said a NICE thank you.
I closed up the apt.
He accused me of making phone calls at the last minute delaying us...I wasn't.??? crazy making.
I felt like a GD chauffeur. He drove the first hour and then we switched. He got his OWN burger at Burger King.????? Avoided all eye contact. Wouldn't even LOOK at me while we ate. Dashed up from the table and out to the car without me, to re-arrange some stuff in the back.
I drove and he typed.
No convo.
Then he slept.
No convo.
He finally said he wanted to go by the condo before the hotel to get the microwave, so nobody would see us. ??????? We did.
Checked in.... He registered only one person in the room.
He ordered pizza, at least he asked what I wanted on it.
Ate and then he wanted to check out the whirlpool..... Two women in it so we looked and then left. I hugged him as we walked down the hall, and he said, "he felt like I was "hovering", and I only do that when other women pay attention to him."
I hugged him again and said, nobody watching... him: yeah, well those women, me: Those two young women?? I didn't think they were looking at you.!!
We went back to the room and he suggested we fill our jacuzi..nice but hre complained how hot it was and how the jets didn't work...
I mentioned I hadn't brought anything to tie my hair up with... He said he noticed a clip in the garbage back at home? me: That was the one you told me you found in the condo and I had said it WASN'T MINE.
him: well why did you bring it to our new home? me: I thought about it and realized it wasn't mine so I threw it out (I;m glad he noticed).....
He just looked away with a disgusted look..
THEN he wanted to ML!!!
I was totally turned off.
We Kiss goodnight watched a movie...nothing else.
He got up very early this morning..way too early. I Know he is nervous about the case but after half an hour he woke ME up to go get him breakfast! I figured he was just nervous, so I went and got it and then we went to the lawyers, to sign away our properties then to another of his lawyers about paperwork and then He had me drop him off at Shark Ladys.
We had a flat tire so I went and got air, went to the bank, and grocery store for HIS PERSCRIPTION and back to the hotel to get the internet up and running...our room was not on line.. Spent the whole afternoon here in the room with the repair guys....and no call yet from T.
Had time to think.
What does Shark Lady have that I don't?
A law degree. (He feels she's more his intellectual equal) A degree in Gestalt therapy. (She can handle his PA better than I) Lots of money.(No dependency issues here!) Size 2 Good looks.(I have been FAT for along time, he doesn't even notice my slim dowm now) An Irish Heritage (He is soooo attracted to this, GS in Calif is also of Irish desc, as are two of the women he "Dated") Very soft spoken.( I am just not. I speak normally, not like a simp)
Kids, that will listen to him....at least he thinks so.
She can pay attention to him and he notices! How is your back? How is the book coming? how is the lawsuit? Classes, new place on and on... She has Novelty, it's all new to her! He can talk about all his latest accomplishments and she hasn't heard it before. Or been there when he is trying to write and feels miserable.
I just say to myself, "You know what? I can't win."
He is gonna fall back in with her, and you're just gonna half to move on....
I am resigned.
I feel like crying.
More out of sheer frustration than anything else..
He just called from there and used her phone...??????
Gotta go get him.... majorly depressed.
I will not have a chance to even see her...he's seen to that...he does not want us to meet. trish
I know you are right...All I can do is put on my best face and go forward...showing as little insecurity as possible.
I know who I am. I just do not feel appreciated at ALL!
I could be the most loving, supportive, positive person in the world and he wouldn't notice.
So why am I even trying?( good question if I do say so myself)
I left to pick him up and met the cutest man in the elevator. I went to the car and the tire was flat again. He offered to go with me to fill it.(Just next door to the gas station.)
get this.....He's a lawyer.....I honestly feel like laughing at the irony!
He asked me to dinner, if I'm in town tommorow....
Picked up T....he seems just okay.....I can't tell much of anything at this point about
Got back to the Hotel, and tried to microwave some dinner...the microwave quit....So I toddled on down to the lobby to get help and another gentleman struck up a convo....he invited me to lunch tommorow...
What ever this Karma is...it's good for the ego!!!
haha
Okay, I will just keep my sunny side up....nothing negative...I just have to refuse to be a doormat.
This should be an interesting few days...
Thank you for your support!!!!!!!! I really needed it!!
I think I am more angry than sad and more frustrated than worried.
I need to focus on me more. I think when I focus too much on him I get down, Right?
I am going to go GET in that Whirlpool!!!! and then I'm going to eat......hmmmmmm what do you suggest Betsey???
The grocery stores here are amazing...after being in such a small town it feels like "food nirvana"
Big step: i just typed this in front of T.( well he can't see the screen he just knows I'm typing alot).....I don't give a damm right at the moment what he thinks.
Yes. You do know who you are... you've made great strides on that front. And apparently who you are is awfully appealing. That is, if you look beyond this man to see all the folks who are cheering you on and offering you food.
Hmmm. Dinner is the way to this girl's heart.
But seriously, get in that whirlpool, have something yummy, put on your fabulous face and GO FORWARD. As Pen (think it was Pen) pointed out, he's the man to be envied for your company.
If he doesn't notice... obviously you've seen plenty of evidence that others will. (And I suspect THAT he will notice).
A big hug to you and many thanks for your thoughts on my thread recently. Very insightful.
Slowly, I was just over at your place...sounds like you are rockin' too!!
Yeah, getting two offers in one day was pretty strange to me!! I haven't had offers in 20, make that 28 years!!
That makes me sound really old! Not that I'm ancient or anything, I just have never had anyone actually approach me in ALL the years I've been married!!Least not that I was aware of. It was extremely good for my ego!!
In fact I'm still wondering what that was??
I even had on my wedding ring, which we just started wearing again last year at this time.....Guess maybe I had my head down and nose to the grindstone, so I never noticed??
People say I am good looking, (if you care to read old posts there's a couple of doozies between me and Underdog about this subject) but I never saw it.
Even My H NEVER once said I was pretty or anything like that. So I was really surprised about these "offers"!!
Anyways, The trip is getting very strange...
The weekend was quiet, except for D22 stopped in our hotel 2 times, finally couldn't talk w/H anymore she left, and I followed up to the lobby where we sat for three hours and talked....
H played P/A about her, I just wasn't biting.
Shark Lady can go F a D if you know what I mean!!
His P/A stuff is enough to make you want to run screaming into the night......she's welcome to him at this point.
Had a really good convo with S24 last night, and he encouraged me to get my own life instead of analyzing away the one that I have now....insights from S24 hit a nerve..
SOOOOOO....right now I'm on an even keel....tommorow is the last deposityion with Shark Lady....then we drive home. No allusions that this is the end of her...this is just round one.
But, I don't want to get just depressed about her.
Quote: Had a really good convo with S24 last night, and he encouraged me to get my own life instead of analyzing away the one that I have now....insights from S24 hit a nerve..
Oh, what a good insight from S24. There's truth to that. You're right-- don't get depressed about SL. She's not worth expending that kind of energy on.
Regarding your "offers"? What was that? I suspect a sign to remind you of something important... like what you are worth and what you deserve. Just my .02.
in the elevator. I went to the car and the tire was flat again.
