My Story/Mixed Messages...

[2012sf]

After the book fair, we took the kids to McDonalds to eat. I was really glad to see one of my old friends and her family there. I had been wanting to call her since all this happened with my husband to talk, but never could get the energy to do it and re-tell the whole story over again. I don't talk to people about it. I have only talked to my immediate family, his immediate family, and one friend that I trust about what is going on. My husband on the other had mentions it to whoever he is around. Which sound like a lot of people, but he is actually not really social right now, so it isn't as many as it sounds like. Work, and old Army buddies, his family. He is much more casual about it though than I am.

Anyway, we all visited for 10 minutes or so and caught up a little. We've all been friends since grade school. Then my husband took the kids over to order their food since he had to go to work and I had a few minutes that I could talk alone with her. We made a date to get together and talk more in depth soon, but I gave her a brief summary of what was going on and probably astonished her in the process. I completely trust her to keep confidence and I am so glad I ran into her. I should have called her a month or two ago to talk then. Anyway, she right away said PTSD (can everyone see it so clearly?) and said she has another friend going through a similar situation and they hadn't separated yet, but were on the brink of it. She said there were a lot of similarities in our situations. I look forward to catching up and hearing about the other situation and just having some girl talk with someone that I know will listen, knows and loves us both, and will help me think and cope a little better.

Dinner went pretty good after that, but my daughter was moody and kept saying her stomach hurt. She then told my husband she misses him and never gets to see him and wants him to be around more. This was all pretty much out of the blue, so I'm sure that was a shot to the heart for my husband since he is having issues today dealing with all that anyway. He was kind of quiet and just studying her face. After he left for work, she told me she feels like she is getting used to him being gone so much and she doesn't like it. She doesn't want him doing this to us. What do you say to that? He had mentioned a sleepover Thursday and she said she is going to tell him she won't go unless I can go too. She is tired of him not coming to live with us, and then making out lives like this. I don't feed this stuff into her head, this is all on her own. I really didn't know what to say. I just held her and told her she can tell him anything she feels she wants to and that I was sorry things were like this right now, but that we both love her so much.

I don't know if I should bring this up with him or not. I know he is already having a big guilt trip about the kids right now, and I really don't want to be the one to pile on more about it. I'm betting our daughter will have her say to him about it though. She is close to us both and she's always been able to talk to us about anything. I may just wait and let her handle it on her own right now instead of getting involved and being associated with the kids being unhappy with him. He needs to own that one on his own I think.

I hate seeing him look so sad all the time though. He can look like himself a little bit, but most of the time he looks uncomfortable in his own skin and tired or aged a little. He needs a haircut right now and still won't let me do it, and hasn't went to get one. Kind of glad, that's another sign to me there probably isn't another woman. He definitely isn't doing unusual primping and stuff. He's very handsome naturally, and he has always dressed nice, in great shape, etc., but I can just tell he is unhappy. Unhappy inside.