My Story/Mixed Messages...

[2012sf]

A nice surprise this afternoon--my husband's brother called me to talk to the kids and say hi. He is 3 years younger than my husband, great guy, we have all been very close. He is married and has a daughter of his own.

Anyway, he was just checking on my son's arm and talked to both the kids, then he talked to me for a bit and it felt so good to hear what he had to say. He literally said my husband has lost his mind, he doesn't know how to deal with the way he is acting, he can see he is so cold and unattached to the world around him. Like a robot sometimes. (And they were together last weekend) He said he really thinks it is the PTSD affecting him, which I feel sometimes it is, and sometimes I don't. But he did point out he would have been just getting done with his 4th deployment around now and he had been reading up on the PTSD stuff and how it affects the guys and he really felt he was seeing a lot of the same signs and symptoms. I have to say after I talked to him, I felt it definitely is having an effect on him too. I do feel it is mixed in with some actual relationship stuff we had let build up and also, like I said, a little worried there is some MLC mixed in there. I told him I was relieved that he was seeing the behaviors too and that it wasn't just something he was pulling out only when he was around me, but he said last weekend he was pretty amazed at a few of his responses and how cold he could be about some things. His brother is probably the person I would say is closest to him besides me. When I talked to my husband about visiting with his brother, he said he had fun, but he said his brother was moody and short with everyone, and just kind of not in a good mood. Now I really wonder if that was just his perception, or if my husband annoyed him enough that was how he did start acting towards him.

So, the conversation made me sad, because it really brought home to me how bad my husband is feeling and how it is really affecting him in all his major relationships, but it felt good to hear the supportive things his brother said to me and to know I'm not crazy and just not seeing something I should be. I have been trying to read about PTSD and look online for support groups for wives, but haven't found many good resources. Most cases deal with men that are abusive, having flashbacks, etc. I'm dealing with more of an isolation, depression, mixed with pushing away reality.