Oh, I forgot to include an observation: I had always seen anger in H before, short temper, irritability with me.
Not this time. He seemed to have become incredibly patient this weekend. He looked at me, made his voice sound soft and even, even while arguing. He would catch himself. Even when I was pushing him. He would just say: enough, enough pain and hurt for the day. Lets call a ceasefire.
In the evening, he even decided to cook and have friends over, so that we would have a good end to our weekend.
In the morning, he asked me if I slept well, because he said I was having nightmares and he could not sleep, he kept on getting up to look at me.
I could not figure it out, but whatever it may be, it made me feel better and I was able to start my work week in a good way, functioning well and feeling cheerful.
So I just figure I still have something to be thakful for. And I am hoping that whatever it is, this changes means that my H is moving through the tunnel.
Well, he cares for you, I think he really does. He just hasn't experienced that "fear of loss" that I keep talking about that he needs to. He doesn't want to hurt you, but that feeling isn't as strong as his selfish desires to keep doing what he's doing, and so he keeps both plates spinning on his little sticks, like one of those circus acts.
On one level, it's compassionate. But when you REALLY look at it, it's cruel.