Thank you for the thoughtful reply, Busto. If I may ask, what did it take for your wife to thaw her heart over time? I may have already asked this - and I know that there is no "formula" to it. I am just curious as to what things help.
With regard to not be able to or not knowing how to have feelings again - isn't it often said that love is a choice? At some point would she have to actively choose to have feelings or at least remain available for them?
I am doing the best I can to be a good guy when I am around her. There have been fleeting moments when I have bouts of sadness in her presence - no tears or anything - but just kind of inwardly quiet. There are days when I am for sure acting "as if". I think I have done a much better job relative to the past listening and being more emotionally present when I have an opportunity to do so.
I think my feelings get hurt at times when she doesn't initiate much. When I have our S, she seems more willing to do so - but as I have said before - I never know if it is because she wants to see him, me or both of us. When SHE has him - she does not initiate much. Maybe this is a function of her clock being slower as you mentioned.
Honestly - should I ask her to do NOTHING? I know I seem transfixed on "getting it right" - but when you say relax and let life come to you, in a relaxed state I WANT to ask her to do things. Part of her complaints included the fact that we didn't DO much together (granted, we had been through 3 years of infertility $$$ and 16 months of being new parents). I feel as if I continue to not offer things up - then I am dropping the ball in a certain respect.
When I invited her to the comedy shoe last month - she initially accpeted - then cancelled because she thought I was treating it as a "date" and she didn't want the pressure - then said she regretting cancelling and decided to go. We had a really good time (as noted, she even held my arm as we left - that was the most affection I have recieved in 8 months - maybe it was the Ketel One?). So how do I approach activities with her? How did you handle it with your wife?
How do I show her that I care? That I am evolving and that I am committed even after the D without looking like I am pursuing?
