Hi, I've been reading these boards for a few months and have been inspired by all the help that can be found here. You all are great, God bless each and every one of you. Here is my sitch-- I am 49 and my husband is 63. We've been together for 5 years, married for 3 tomorrow. Second marriages for both. When we met, it felt like love at first sight for both of us. Like soul mates. I have two children from my first marriage (daughters) who are now 13 and 17. His own daughter passed about 15 years ago and he has a grown son. When he was turning 60 we were supposed get married when he suddenly said that life was getting too short for him and he didn't think he wanted a family (even though he loved my daughters). So we broke up for a time but he kept coming back. Finally, he said that he really loved me and wanted to get married so we did. Over the last year, he became very distant and moody and finally said that he loved me very much but didn't want to be married anymore, again stressing that he was older and that he only had a few good years left to do what he really wanted. He also said that we were incompatible because we had different personal styles, I'm outgoing and he tends not to be. Said he wanted to move back to his own house (which he still had because his son was finishing college and living there) and work on writing the great American novel. So he moved out about 3 months ago. We are both professionals. He is having financial difficulty because he really has not been working hard/much over the last couple of years and I had been sending him work (since we are in the same field). Of course, I did everything wrong in the beginning like crying and asking him why etc. We did spend time together and also ML at his request after he moved out. He repeatedly says that he loves me "in his own incomplete way" still. Finally, I broke off contact because it was too hard for me to hear how he loved me but wanted to live alone and not work on the marriage. He also said repeatedly that he thought that were were great friends and would always be friends but he just didn't want to be married. At one time, he said he might file for divorce but has not moved in that direction. Hadn't heard from him in two weeks until today when he emailed me and asked me for a book he still had at my house that he had sold on Amazon and needed to get it to ship out. Told him that I'd drop it off at his house and that I hoped he was well. Nothing more. Given that age has been the factor that has been in his mind twice when he has broken up with me and that he repeatedly says he loves me, I figure there's hope and that maybe he is MLC or Bipolar. (He has been diagnosed with BP but refuses medication.) It's almost like a switch in him goes off and he is either all there or totally off re the relationship. But, I don't know what to do or how to detach. Can you all please send me some sage advice? I am struggling more today because I just heard from him. It is definitely easier when there is no contact. Take care, peeps.
