I suggest that you never use the word "rape" while having a conversation with her. If I understand what you wrote, you are the one who used the word, not her, and it just becomes a blown up version of what really happened.

It's like she's not in her right mind and you can't be saying things like this b/c it just gives her more ammunition to use.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!