Had a BUSY, busy weekend with volunteering for Special Olympics, driving to NC to see SS in the Grand March at his Sr. Prom, driving back home, and church activities all day Sunday basically. I’m still worn out, but the highlight was seeing my SS. God, I love that kid!
H didn’t go with me to NC – said his knee was bothering him too bad. I was irritated, but let it go eventually. He then proceeded to call me several times on the ride down and back to check on me, and make sure I wasn’t too tired to drive. He even talked to his mother and made sure to tell me I could stay at their house if I was too tired. *scowl*
By the time I got home, I was almost delirious from lack of sleep. H jumped right in making sure I had my back medicine, and even helped turn down the covers on the bed. I will admit it irritated me because it felt like he was making up for not going with me. (Remember we had previously discussed this during out conversation about my trip to NC two weeks ago. I told him I never would have gone then had I known I would have to drive by myself twice)
Had a great time at church on Sunday, even though I was tired. I called him to see if he needed anything from the store since I was on my way home, and he told me that he had just gotten back from getting us breakfast – since he knew I would be tired. I was surprised and just said thank you.
Not sure what is going on with him and OW. Since she makes sure I can see her tweets on Twitter, I found out that she was in my area this weekend. Of course, before I thought about it, I asked H if he had seen her. He said no, he didn’t even know she was up here. We went back and forth for a while. I was pretty calm about it, but noticed he seemed annoyed that she was up here and he didn’t know. I called him out on it, and he said he wasn’t annoyed at all. He repeated that he didn’t know she was here, and he didn’t see her, and kinda trailed off the sentence. I asked him if he would tell me if he did see her. He just looked at me, and repeated that he hadn’t seen her. I said not that it would matter now anyway, I guess, but I still wanted to know. I said you were very pushy about me staying in NC last night. Was it because she was here. He got kind of animated and matter of fact, and said he was doing that because he was worried about me doing all that driving by myself knowing I had already had a full day, and that was it. All in all, it was a very strange conversation. I guess he wasn’t too upset about it because the Ward Cleaver thing continued for the rest of Sunday. He even cooked Sunday dinner, hurt knee & all.
Yesterday, I had to turn in this bi-yearly financial form at work, which lists details of our finances, down to bank accounts, who we owe, taxes, etc. So I had to get H’s bank account information. Since he was so adamant about moving out the last time we talked, this would give me a chance to know if he financial would be able to. The answer to that question is no. Unless he has money stuffed in a mattress somewhere, he can’t afford to sleep in his car at this point. And because of where I work, he knows I could lose my job if he isn’t honest about his finances, I’m pretty sure it’s accurate. Not that this means anything I know. Who knows...he may think sleeping in his car is a step up from living with me. Whatevs. LOL
All in all, still holding steady I guess – well after Sunday anyway. Trying to keep my mouth SHUT! It’s hard sometimes though, but I am getting better. I’m also constantly reminding myself that I don’t have DO anything right now. And telling myself that while we are getting along, and acting like we’re happily M, the A is still the elephant in the room. So unless he tells me that it’s over, and he wants to R or work on our M, or he moves out, and we separate, just keep focusing on being the best me I can be (and afterwards of course). It’s so easy to fall back into the habit of believing we’re in love and okay, and back where I thought we were in January.
