W made it back from her trip. The welcome home was cordial. Conversations between us are increasing slightly and they are even dealing with delicate topics.
We spoke a few times while W was driving home yesterday (8 hour drive). One topic dealt with tense interactions W has with my family. As with any relationship, challeges exist on both sides. I focused on listening and validating her frustrations. The opportunity existed to provide input after that to help my W understand what my family was seeing as well. W was open to listening and it did not limit further discussions later in the day which was good.
Issue: W was back in prior home for just under 2 weeks. This is the area where all my family lives. W did not tell any of them that she was there. However, my siblings saw her FB posts showing her in town going out to dinner and doing various things with her friends. On her way out of town, W calls my parents to say she is leaving and wants to stop by to visit. The visit went OK, but my mom (who just finished up her initial series of chemo treatments) was upset that W as in town that long and only called on her way out of town.
So Mom calls my sister upset, my sister calls my brother crying and then brother txts my W to tell her not to cause drama because mom isn't feeling good, then calls me to bring me up to date....Ugh.
W's view is that she tried and nothing she does will be 'right' with my family. Also said if they saw she was in town on FB, then why didn't they call her.
Family view - If W didn't mention it and was in town the assumption was made she didn't want to see them. I did share with my W that while my mom was glad to see her and glad that she took the time to stop in, it may have been helpful to let them know ahead of time that she was in town even with very limited time rather than last minute on the way out of town.
Again, W and I were able to talk about this in a very civil way even though we both expressed frustration. Not a bad step in the journey. Still keeping my expectations in check.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
