Forgiveness

[antlers]

She had asked my why I thought he was smoking pot....something he started doing regularly since he went to stay with his mom back in January....I was answering her question. And her response was for this 14 year old emotionally troubled boy was "it's a copout. He needs to learn to deal with problems." Yeah...like she is! Throwing her hands up in the air and saying 'I quit, I'm outa here' regarding the kids!

There is a tremendous amount of stuff going on in all of our lives. She reached out to me in the middle of March, because she was having so much trouble with both kids, and wanted to cooperate and work together regarding the kids. I said OK. Lots of open communication between she and I regarding the kids. Both kids ran away from her house at different times and stayed gone for 3 to 5 nights each, other times they just wouldn't come home, drug use by both kids, both kids have been arrested separately while they were living with her, son is kicked out of school for the rest of the year starting last March, just to name a little of the kind of stuff that's been going on.

She let them run buck wild in order to keep them with her and then it got so bad that she decided to quit and leave...AFTER the kids had been damaged tremendously by her decisions.

We've talked for hours on the phone during this time. Not once have I criticized her, or used anything against her. No "I told you so's" or anything like that at all from me. I was simply glad that finally she was willing to coparent. She would still lash out at me with venom occasionally...in those cases it was always one sided...I never returned what she was fishing out. I was concerned for the kids and always returned to that.

I see tremendous amounts of torn families and out of control kids daily in my work. I've also been exposed to many of my kids friends and they are always from torn families...fragmented...and these kids are as lost as mine are.

If one or both kids choose to go to Texas with their mom...I'll have zero opportunity to influence their lives at all. I want to influence their lives in a positive way. They are completely messed up, no doubt. But I believe I can, over time, be a model of redemption, perseverance, and forgiveness to them. I am committed to it.

Telling them 'how the cow eats the cabbage', or having a 'my way or the highway' attitude toward them, cracking whips and being stern, etc., at this point, will only drive them away. Then my opportunity is lost. If they see me as controlling and manipulative and overbearing...they are gone!

I'm doing the best I can under very difficult circumstances...and I'm now trying to do it differently (better) than I ever have. I don't expect you to understand...and there is no way, based on the very limited info. on my thread (compared to actual real life events) that you could understand the complexity of this situation. There's also a lot of pain involved.

Anyway, for you to make the rash statements that you have, ONLY knowing a fraction of the circumstances is, in my opinion...waaaay out of line. I come here to vent, get support, and glean what beneficial stuff from it that I can.....not to be ridiculed to this degree and be told that what I'm doing is a form if child abuse! I wish to God that I knew at least a small amount of what you profess to know about my situation. I'd be able to fix things right up.

That said...I do have my hands very full. The kids are completely 'lost' at this point, I still have to be ready to meet the needs of a very demanding job in the Emergency Room, what the kids are going to do is still up in the air regarding where they'll go when their mom leaves the state, I've still got Court and legal stuff to look forward to regarding my sons arrest, school for him in the future is a huge obstacle that'll have to be dealt with...and literally tons of other stuff. I've still got emotional baggage myself that I'm dealing with...and I still love the mother of my kids.

I can do it. I know it won't be easy, but I'm committed to helping my kids overcome the many bad occurrences and things in their lives. And I'm gonna continue to work on me.