Farmer, IMHO you did a good job expressing regret and apoligizing to your W regarding that sexual incident. Now that you've said it to her, you have to let it go in yourself. She may or may not forgive you, but you must believe you meant it and will make every effort that it will never happen again, whether with your W if you R or with someone else.
I understand that you are willing to lose the farm for your W, yet don't want to if you don't have to. Perhaps an option is to provide your W with a SA and the 200K settlement, but leave it at legally separated, rather than D. Let D play out on it's own time, if your sitch goes that way, even if you are the one to pay for the paperwork.
