Hi Pen! Thanks for your thoughtful observations. I think you are right about several things.
He isn't in the affair right now. He was last fall, but the concern I have is in the rekindling of this nonsense, and it is nonsense. Mostly because SHE wants to pursue it and HE sees it as so flattering and attention giving.
I don't know if it's so much that he likes to "get a rise" out of me. But, he likes it when he can be absolved of responsibility and the reactions are all mine. Then he can label ME as: immature, insecure, uncertain, lacking confidence. (Those are his top four, most of the time).
I do see him as EMTREMELY insecure, always has been . very competitive for my attention, even with our children and relatives.Of course underneath the, I'm too busy to care, dead calm exterior.
IMHO all persons who partake of Affairs, do so out of insecurity. Not that all people who have affairs are bad people, just insecure. If they were certain and secure, they wouldn't do what they do in the way that they do it! They would be honest and forthcoming, commpassionate and considerate. They would speak to what they are feeling rather than deal with their feelings by going outside their relationships.
I don't think he doubts I love him. But he may wonder: " How can she stay with me after all the crappy things I've done? And what kind of a person would stay!!?? She must not be very secure", he is probably saying to himself. "She must not have very much self esteem."
Therefore he can treat me with less respect than what someone would treat someone they love.
I would say he is VERY INSENSITIVE. I would also say he IS VERY CRUEL. Now, he is very sensitive about what you say and do to HIM! But almost oblivious, it would appear, to my feelings.
He has taught himself to be immune to what someone else might feel.....not 100% of the time but I would say about 70% of the time.
