Seeing Lawyers tomorrow...even more hopeless

[25yearsmlc]

I kind of wish I could go back in time and not argue with him on the days that I saw him...I feel like that was my chance to really show him I can be different when I'm upset. However, I let my emotions get the best of me.

19 days....and nothing

you will have another interaction. Each time you do, remember Accuray's words. This is an opportunity for your 180...


also, please understand that there is NO measuring cup here.

Your happiness does NOT = his misery and


his misery does NOT = your happiness.

If you win the lottery - does that mean he has to be sad/mad? No...

and if your car breaks down, that does NOT mean he can feel some glee.

B/C you guys are both in charge of how your lives go.

Maybe he will NOT regret the affair b/c maybe his rationalizations will continue, or maybe he will regret it deeply for the rest of his life...or something in between.

What matters is how you live your lives! Please understand & ACCEPT this and make it so...

Don't stare at him, wondering if he's miserable so YOU can be happy...or if he's happy then you'll have to be extra depressed.

Do not connect his mood du jour with YOUR happiness. That reeks of neediness and I have to ask, were you like this in the marriage before?

Maybe being so dependent on him made him feel smothered...NOT that an affair was justified

but you have to dig deep to see what or how you'd be different in the next r, with or without him.

So stay out of his "sandbox" and don't worry about what HE is working on

and do YOUR OWN WORK.

Take charge of your happiness!

Sure, it so happens that your happy upbeat DIFFERENT attitude is way more attractING and appealing than a sad angry woman is...but it's not a tactic, it's a change in you.

Plus you already saw the result of your anger and his reaction-- when he fled after the last time you guys argued..

HP, it's NOT confusing to me that he has not made contact. It makes sense.

B/C the last time you two spoke, it was NOT good for him. AND

HP, it does not matter that you are "right"...

this lesson was hard for me to grasp.

Our mc's said h was being selfish and acting single...so I was "right"....well, so what?

My being "right," was not making my h CHANGE...in fact it was irrelevant to h,

but my being HAPPY & interesting and upbeat and warm, might have made the difference....

for sure it changed ME b/c I took back my life.

So, maybe you can do those exercises we spoke of earlier in which

you imagine life without your h, but with you being happy.

What have you been doing to create that life?
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You ask "how long?" I do not know...I was m for 25 years at the time...and

I've heard it said that

A month of change for every year of the relationship, is a GUIDELINE for the WAS to see change in their partner and believe in it.

Of course that means they SEE the change and that it's consistent...neither of which applies to you right now.

consistent change + sufficient time = change they can believe in...

Please Do your own work, focus on YOU and move forward. He'll know how to catch up if the time comes. And you'll be in a much better place than standing still wondering about him...

try to see that taking back your life is empowering, not surrendering.

Do you get that? Hang in there!

((( )))