Yes there have been people whose WAS saw that they were posting here. Some didn't care. Some LBS's actually left the boards because they were afraid of their spouse. There are also a few whose WAS actually became a poster and from the comments they received from people here, they were able to understand the LBS's feelings and actually reconcile.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Since the move - it's been VERY quiet on both our ends now. I don't have much energy to be in touch with him and evidently nor does he with me. Maybe it was all just too much for both of us - maybe something finite or I don't know. I have no idea. He brought over all my stuff from his place, but I'm pleased to say he kept a photo of me. Otherwise, his place is now clear of my stuff.
Likewise, my place is clear of his stuff.
I fear that I'm gonna have to face the music here. I keep wanting to be positive, but I just don't feel it right now.
We didn't talk about anything during the move - not even the damn books he disovered!
I oscillate between deep anger towards him and a feeling like 'what's the point, I can't get through anyway." - a futility.
It's funny but I feel more lonely here than I did in my old place - even though it was further out. It's going to take time to make this place feel like my home. I don't feel particularly settled yet and certainly not attached. I need to enjoy myself and have some good times. That will help a lot.
I'm sure it will pass and it takes time.
I loved my old place but it was just too far from school. When my H and I were together our in-town place was much closer. But after the S, it took me 1 hr 15 minutes one way to commute. The money on gas (petrol) was too much, and the time and the fact that internet didn't didn't work out there. I'm closer in now, just have to adjust to being back in the city. It's only been a couple of days, so what do I expect.
I just want to get back into my routine, and get on with my life.
I'm sorry you feel sad. Of course you are sad, this is a process that hurts like hell. One day you will be up and the next down. I am going through (I think MLC) with my H now and what makes this even worse in my 20's I went through the OW and all the crude with my first, with my baby daughter. What helped me more then anything was work. Thank god for work. I would rather be mentally exhausted from the office than personal hell and that sick pit in the stomach. Focus on that and maybe get a kitty that you can come home to. Big Hug, one day at a time now (or one hour at a time). Trust me... It will get better time is a healer if you keep busy.
Thanks Merlot, thanks for your gentle reminder and kind words. Yes, work is therapy isn't it. Thank God for work. The only thing is that my work might very well involve this process I'm going through (I'm an artist and a part of me wants to express all this, process it through my camera - another part of me wants to keep it separate so that I have my mind on something else. Me, I'm trying to decide.)
I went to the video store - same one my H uses. They said, "You just missed your H." Eventually, they said, "You guys keep missing each other." We've been going to that video store for 10 years at least - it's the same lady in there all these years. She knows us well. Anyway, I said we were separated. She said she was wondering if that was the case.
Today was a tough one, but I'll be fine. I haven't had one of these days in a little while. I shall have to plan something for next Sunday. It does go up and down doesn't it - I forgot about all that.
I did some visualising, and it helped a lot, I should do some more.
PS - I do have a kitty - two actually. They keep me going
hey yankee girl, how you doing today? sorry i haven't visited the last couple of days and i do so hope you are feeling better today - hopefully you went and did something crazy and wild and totally off the wall - the key: do something that fits in that category as often as you can (like buying a pair of hot pink under you know what's with gold polka dots on the butt!!!!!!!)
tip for the day - every time you think of this sitch - only allow yourself to think about it for 17 secs - then switch to a positive thought - anything: the leaves are a beautiful green, visualize those above mentioned non-mentionables, the sun is shining , my nails look good in that color - and as you get better at that you can take the next step and switch from just any positive thought to a positive thought about your h - we have to "work" our way towards that one, for sure
and in between - give yourself a break - that it's okay to be sad and lonely and fragile, but that you won't always be like that, that in fact, if you think about it you could decide NOT to be like that for 5 secs and jump about and dance, and if you can do it for 5 secs, heck - piece of cake , you can do it for 10 etc etc - you get the picture?
hope i made you giggle a bit - after my night out with my friend and all the giggling i did - sh^t - life is a lot nicer when you're giggling a bit here and there - so hope i could provide a bit of a giggle here for you.
big hug - and go get some flowers for your new house - and have a house warming party - yeah - one of those wild crazy ones like s and i have had a couple of times - disco night theme - with a lot of Abba - in fact - get on pandora and listen to some Abba (except Fernando , of course) right away or go get Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and watch it - Abba makes me always happy - but then you know i'm from india and they were huge there when i was growing up (grin)
(((( )))) Zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
Thank you for your suggestions and your warmth. I love the flowers idea and yeah, did some visualisations before bed. A party sounds like a good idea, but I've never really been a party person (maybe a 180 to explore.)
I also spoke to my sister, and she helped a lot too. She is very pro my relationship, as is most of my family and also my H's family. So, it was all very helpful.
Something in me has shifted this morning. All my visuals has helped I can feel. They also helped to bring back my optimism and my feelings of love, which have always been there for my H. This morning, I woke up with renewed vigour and strength. I have begun to visualise my H and I back together in a loving, laughing, caring way - in a real way. Sure we'll have the two or three stress points to still work through, but the majority of our time I see us spending in a joyful manner. It's seems like such an obvious visual to have, but I never had that visualisation until last night (can you believe!).
Those are the vibes I want to send out, and that is what I will carry on with every day now.
I had a very long conversation with my H tonight. We started off the talk just fine - and then I thought to maybe invite him over for dinner as a thank you for helping me move and unpack etc.
He said no, and I then quickly got off the phone.
After a bit of thought and how much I couldn't keep going through this, I eventually called him back. I told him to please just let me go now because I am tired of holding on and waiting. I asked him to start the papers. I also asked for some cash to tide me over until the settlement comes through and to please let's just cut this.
I know I am flipping from this morning, but that final rejection was just too much to bear. I guess I shouldn't have asked, and then I think, Why can't I ask? Do I want to carry on always not asking just so that I don't get rejected? There is no greater hell than this limbo, so I think I crossed some barrier point. I guess my patience just wore out. I of course still love him and would love him as my partner in life, but I think I am graciously accepting it all now. It is what it is.
We then started talking - for REAL. Like, open honesty about all his resentments and anger, and my own. And all the mixed emotions we have.
This has been going on for 2 years for me, and I don't feel like hoping for the best anymore. He's in MLC - so much confusion, so much resentment, so much love. It's a mix of everything. He says he no longer has the energy to give to this relationship.
He admitted that he doesn't want to let me go, that we do get on so well in so many areas but the resentment for him is great and it's taken over. He was hoping that his resentment would lift or shift or do something and it just hasn't.
So, I've let go now.
I still love him or course, but this time is now for me.
We are here for you. H holds resentment for me too. That's a big part of why his love for me is faded...it's buried beneath too many layers of resentment. Hopefully one day they will be able to look past it and know what they are missing. If not, I guess it is their loss.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Thanks WH. I had a pretty emotional day, but managed to make myself as distracted as possible. Yeah, my H last night said that he did see all the changes I made, and that he sensed they were quite deep. However, his resentment is such that he can't let it go. After 2 years??? I think it's more a choice at this point frankly. Yes, it is their loss. So, I am happy to let go and get some peace in myself.
