I had a very long conversation with my H tonight. We started off the talk just fine - and then I thought to maybe invite him over for dinner as a thank you for helping me move and unpack etc.
He said no, and I then quickly got off the phone.
After a bit of thought and how much I couldn't keep going through this, I eventually called him back. I told him to please just let me go now because I am tired of holding on and waiting. I asked him to start the papers. I also asked for some cash to tide me over until the settlement comes through and to please let's just cut this.
I know I am flipping from this morning, but that final rejection was just too much to bear. I guess I shouldn't have asked, and then I think, Why can't I ask? Do I want to carry on always not asking just so that I don't get rejected? There is no greater hell than this limbo, so I think I crossed some barrier point. I guess my patience just wore out. I of course still love him and would love him as my partner in life, but I think I am graciously accepting it all now. It is what it is.
We then started talking - for REAL. Like, open honesty about all his resentments and anger, and my own. And all the mixed emotions we have.
This has been going on for 2 years for me, and I don't feel like hoping for the best anymore. He's in MLC - so much confusion, so much resentment, so much love. It's a mix of everything. He says he no longer has the energy to give to this relationship.
He admitted that he doesn't want to let me go, that we do get on so well in so many areas but the resentment for him is great and it's taken over. He was hoping that his resentment would lift or shift or do something and it just hasn't.
So, I've let go now.
I still love him or course, but this time is now for me.
