"So there it is. Those are the main reasons why I am scared to death of the divorce. Plus, how will I know that she really would want to work on things once it is all done."

You don't know if she'll really want to, or not. I already knew those things you listed, b/c we talked about this before. Nobody faults you for feeling the way you do. It's just that we can see how you are tearing yourself apart. Nobody wants to be a part-time parent (not those who really love their kids). Nobody wants to be ruined financially. And certainly nobody wants to see their S fall in love and M another person. But my question is......do you have any power over it? Can you stop it? Can you change it? If not, what will you decide to do? I'm worried about you, Crimson. You've got to find peace before you self-destruct. Below is a copy of an old prayer, but I hope you'll look at yourself in these words. ((Crimson)).

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form above,
the entire prayer reads as follows...)

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!