What is going on here... and what do I do?

[LIO]

I take that back. I don't feel hopeless now.
I felt anxious and couldn't sleep again last night.

I just wrote a 'hear me roar' that made me feel good, I saved it and it said exactly what I've wanted to say for years where I finally I laid down some boundaries. This cycle is ending. He acknowledged he got it (and NOW here is where I SHUT UP!) and he also said he noticed that I was improving over the last week.

I had been nice and even still in my 'hear me roar' I WAS nice - just firm.
I am worth more than being cheated on, I am worth a man who wants to spend quality family time with us, I am worth having someone who can communicate with me and not wait until I get emotional to acknowledge me. I don't need a man who tries to fill a vacant hole with women when he has a family waiting for him at home only for him to say he has been miserable for 2 years (while trying to chase OW) and still miserable even with OW only to have her completely turn on him.

So where that leaves me and H, I don't know. He can deal with it. He can ignore me. Either way, I will continue to be nice, cordial and to the point. I will dress better, and my exercise is going well (i'm down another 10 lbs!). I am also getting more confident in ME and being alone, and doing my activities and not being cocky (I was never cocky but thought I'd clarify!)

OH! And my hours were successfully reduced to a comfortable 32 hours a week instead of 40-50! so I feel good about that. My boss is understanding and I said that for 5 years it's been hard (S is 5) and I can't manage it all without getting paralyzed. I want to do great work, and he said I am very knowledgeable and do great work and he will get it taken care of so he can keep me! I wouldn't have quit, but I needed a break)

Regarding H: I would be willing to work on a R and I really do want to be married to him, but if he is going to keep chasing empty rabbit holes and threaten me with emotional abandonment. He can figure it out. Maybe a problem was I didn't give him clear boundaries and expectations that he didn't have to worry about consequences. He NOW knows my 5 lines (which I don't think are that hard):
--No more cheating and no emotional affairs
--no female friends so find friendships with quality men
--openly communicate with me. I WILL not argue, yell, or throw a tantrum.
--be fun again, have quality family time
--stop threatening me with emotional abandonment.

The consequences are no more 'oh well I'll help you out of this mess'. IF that means he gets fired, then he needs to find another job as I'm not supporting him anymore. If he's miserable at his current job because he and OW aren't talking and she saw him as he is, oh well... deal with it. If that means he can't get his new vehicle because he moves instead of saving, oh well. I will just respond with "oh yes, that does sound like a tough predicament to be in" and offer no solution to 'fix it'. I WILL be fine.

I'm reading "People Skills" by Robert Bolton, I think I'll take a break and read "Boundaries".


I just changed my phone number. the OW had it, and I need a new start. H doesn't have it as he sees me every day for now until he moves and I don't need to talk to him on this phone anyway. He can call the home. I'm not interested in being pathetic to him. I'm interested in finding this new confident me. I'm not going to keep appeasing him and he not having boundaries enforced. No more.

I'm memorizing the 37 rules, but I'm going to print them out now and put them in my wallet as suggested.

Thanks for reading and commenting all! You are my sanity!