You are both correct. I am not going to lie to anyone one this board at all - I am scared to death of the divorce. I am not proud of the fact that I am seemingly lacking in strength to meet this thing with a more robust heart. Why am I scared? I will speak as honestly as possible in the hopes that I can get a hand calming the hell down.
1. I never, ever wanted to be a part time dad. I am afraid of all of the time I will be missing with him. Already I have missed so many new things that he has done. My heart breaks every time I have to bring him back to my w - and that never gets any better - at least it hasn't yet. I am afraid that this is going to be what my life is with him forever. I miss him all of the time he is gone.
2. I am afraid that I am going to fall apart financially. Already with what I have to give her I am damn near paycheck to paycheck. I haven't had to live like that since I left college. I have worked so hard an sacrificed so much to be able to provide. I am going to lose so much in my retirement and other things that it's going to stretch out the amount of time I am going to have to work. I am afraid of falling back down a ladder that I have fought, been beaten up and strived so hard to climb.
3. Most embarrassingly, I am afraid that after the divorce that she will find someone else that she falls madly in love with and I will must be a phase of her life that came and went. I am afraid that she will remarry and someone will take away the woman that I love and that my son will have a new male "figure" in his life. I am humiliated that I can't control my feelings any better than this ^^^^^^, but imam being honest.
So there it is. Those are the main reasons why I am scared to death of the divorce. Plus, how will I know that she really would want to work on things once it is all done.
