Dear Tim,
By the time I get up the nerve to send this it, will proabably be too late. It won't mattr anymore.
On some level you must realize that your continued involvement with her has, and continues to cause me much distress.
For you to be so insensitive to my feelings seems beyond cruel and down right vindictive.
For you to expect me to put up with your continuing relationship with her seems beyond reason. You expect me to trust you implicitly, when you have at your own admission pursued a realtionship with her. Yes, you pursued that. You invited HER out, You invited her to your club, You invited her for drinks, You invited her to dinner. You were the one who stated your interest in her, your attraction to her. You are the one who keeps emailing and chatting with her sharing this case, which lets put a face on it, is a big part of your life right now.
She has been allowed to penetrate our lives, with your full permission.
You dated other women, you purchased birth control, you continued online relationships, all without my knowledge, and you hid an emotional relationship that you fostered over several years.
Now you ask that I trust you and give you the benefit of the doubt.
In my mind I may have given the benefit of the doubt entirely too much. So much so that you are now insensitive to my feelings and expect me to only consider your position.
You would like so very much to say that I am just insecure, uncertain and demanding.
I have been anything but, and for that I have paid dearly with a husband who is so used to taking me for granted he does not consider my feelings...at all.
You are a prime candidiate for an affair.
You have allowed yourself to go outside the marriage before. You have no respect or consideration for what you did to me or to our marriage. You have never apologized or tried to make up, let alone discuss your behavior.
You have in fact contnued to engage in a relationship with someone you claimed to want to be physical with, in the past.
You two have a great issue to share and I have allowed you all the time and the energy you need to devote to that without so much as a whisper of complaint about what it takes away from "Us".
I have listened and encouraged, I have commissurated and tried to help whenever and wherever I possibly could. Even to the point of sitting there while you email her while we are in bed together!
I have defended you and always will. I can never be your lawyer.
I am your wife. The one who cooks your food, cleans the house, runs the errands, rubs your feet, irons your shirts and gets you soap for the shower!! Brings you your laxative and checks your urine!!
This is far from the romantic fantasy I am sure you have rolling around in your head.
A capable, energetic, accomplished attorney. Who appears compassionate, empathetic, understanding, intelligent and attractive. Who can fend for herself if need be, but can satisfy you whenever you want.
The reality is probably quite different.
Do you think with her, she will always do things your way?
What's she like when she has the flu?
What happens when she wants you to do something for HER?
When she works late constantly and doesn't want to go where you want to.
How many times will she cook your dinner, or do your laundry?
Or never get her back rubbed, but you want her to rub yours?
How does she like being ignored for long periods of time?
Does she like to eat out alot because you never do.Or even have friends?
Does she care about your children?
Everyone comes with their own baggage and issues, and I am sure she has hers.
You see, It's very easy to be your friend on line.
It requires a few minutes each day and you never have to deal with your bad moods, sore back, sad feelings, or anger.
The day to day reality.
The bills, the chores, the mortgage, the kids, the plumber, the taxes.
Your fantasy is afterall, just not all that real.
I wanted to be able to share more with you.
The private times The funny jokes. Fun events, new friends, new places, new adventures. Our growing family, a soft place to land at the end of the day. Holding hands while we sleep.
But you think her so inviting.
I guess the fact that you want me to trust you is insane.
You don't want trust.
You want permission.
Carte Blanche to do whatever, wherever you want.
You don't want me to say NO, I object.
"No, I don't want you to do that."
You want to have the freedom from having to care about anyone else.
The thing is,
I want you to care at least as much about my feelings as you do about yours....or hers.....
