My Story/Mixed Messages...

[2012sf]

So far so good today. No real interactions, but at least no bad interactions. I have done good about doing my own thing and not stressing over him all day today too. Now it gets to the part where I know he will contact me at any point because the kids are almost out of school, so we'll see how that goes. I have a prenatal ultrasound in the morning too, and he always goes to those with me, so I know that will be in the agenda. I need to really have my A game on and I hope he is relaxed and not already stressed when I see him. I don't stand a chance when he is like that because then I know he will either initiate relationship talk which deteriorates fast, or he will leave quickly because he just isn't happy being around us. (me)
This daily emotional rollercoaster is rough.

I think I am seeing tinges of MLC behavior too, but it is hard to tell. And that scares me, because I know that will be a lot more to deal with and harder to get through than we just need to work out our issues. He hasn't done anything that blatantly falls into the MLC category for sure, because he has always been this type of personality that is a little all over the place, but he seems like some of the tendencies are there. I think I have really thrown him for a loop with how I responded to all of this. He told me Sunday he doesn't know how someone could have another person treat them like he has for the last 3 and a half months and still be trying to fix things. I just replied I truly loved him and walking away has never crossed my mind and I don't plan on entertaining that as an option. I have really done good with fixing a lot of the things he had complained about, my appearance is great. He actually told me he thought in about 2 months after I had the baby I would look like I did in high school, which was a huge compliment. I am trying hard to be a woman a guy would be crazy to walk away from, and I guess it is confusing him just enough to make things hard. And it makes him mad a little, I feel, because he had this all figured out and didn't expect at all for me to throw a wrench in things like I have. I just hope it is enough. I hope he holds out long enough to get a different perspective. He is so stubborn, for the lack of a better word, and I am afraid that he will bulldoze ahead and not even process everything until he has destroyed it all. I have no doubt in my head he will regret this. No doubt. But this day to day emotional rollercoaster is really hard to deal with.