My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

Things are going well this right now (I know not to get too comfortable here...). I definitely feel a bit of distance between h and I. I find that when we go out to dinner, we don't have much to talk about. I always looked at those older couples who could have dinner and not say more than two words to each other. We're not quite there, yet, but it's awkward. I'm trying to resist the urge to fill the moments of silence with inanity.

H is doing a bit better. Our PCP gave him another anti-depressant that helps with sleep, but it zombified him and he couldn't really wake up the next day. This isn't good as he just started a new job and needs to be alert. He hasn't taken any more since. He's still on the klonopin, which takes the edge off so he can focus and relax, but can drive and function (small dose) and the increased dosage of his normal antidepressants. I'm not sure if this distance between us is due to the meds or due to the issues we have. Regardless, I'm trying to DB and GAL. I am super busy with the craft show (this weekend, so excited!), work and my class. I'm hooking a rug of an octopus that I drew out. It's looking really good at the moment, purples, blues and greens. It's very relaxing.

I had a quick talk with my mother on the weekend. She doesn't know about the EA/PA, but knows H is having issues with his depression and anxiety (he's had them since a child). She said she worries about me and how much of a strain it is on me. I told her I'm holding up all right, that I know things will get better and that I had to give H the responsibility of his own illness and it's not as overwhelming since I've done that. She doesn't seem to understand. For example, she doesn't understand why he would cut himself or what is bothering him. I know the EA/PA has something to do with it, but it's more than that.

I know that I need to be more open physically with H. I'm not doing that at the moment. I had a cold about 1.5 weeks ago and I just got another one yesterday, H is a germaphobe, so he tends to treat me like I have the plague. It gets a little annoying, but I ignore it for the most part. I told him that I'm stressed and not sleeping well, so that probably had something to do with it. I have had 6 colds this winter, which is extremely unusual for me. I usually have 1 a year, if that. I honestly think that stress is related as H had his EA/PA since about 09/2011 or so. Not that I'm blaming him, but it does seem weird. It's just a cold. I'm irritated because I'm too busy for this right now, lol!

I have an appointment with my IC on Wednesday. It's actually the MC that we saw. She asked H if he would mind and he said not at all. He's seeing his own IC and the MC already knows my history with PTSD, so it's nice not to have to go all over that crap again. I hate rehashing the details over and over again. My old IC retired, so I have to wait to get into another one, which could take up to 11 months (good old Canadian health care. If the government pays, you wait). So, if H and I are both fine with it and the MC is fine with it, it saves me some time (and money) by not having to waste 2-3 sessions to get into the entire history.

I also have a nail appointment tomorrow night and between that and getting ready for the show Saturday, I'm a busy bee.