WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

She's tired, wants to nap, you rescue

I do know where you're coming from CT and I appreciate it. That is the exact thing I struggle with. Did I need to let her take a nap? No. Could I have left her with the kids? Yes. Would that have meant giving up that time I got to have with the kids? Yes.

So then... it's a judgment and values call. At this point I've been choosing to maximize my time with the kids ahead of not "rescuing" her. Though I haven't sought out opportunities to rescue her either. In essence, if she benefits from my desire to maximize time with the kids, then I guess she benefits.

Does this make it more likely that we won't recon? No one knows that. Does it make it more likely that we will? No one knows that either.

The only thing I do know is what I can control. I can control whether I choose to maximize my time with my kids, particularly SS and SD. I can spend time with them and let them know they are still loved.

At this point I value having them know they are loved and cared for over the amorphous odds of not being there impacting my W to the point where she chooses to get back together. I am cognizant of the choice and aware of both sides.

And it's what makes me happy. Being a part of SD's birthday makes me happy. Having my house filled with the kids, the laughing, the squabbles, all of it makes me happy.

I know that there is a chance that doing the opposite brings that back full-time. There's also just as good, if not greater, chance that it doesn't make a difference.

If I didn't have to play "third fiddle" in the lives of my SS and SD the demarcation line would be much clearer. But it isn't so I keep evaluating based on my own values.