She considers herself already divorced. And since she moved out two years ago, in some sense she's right - all that's left now is paperwork.
I know it's frustrating, and infuriating, but the reality is, you're not going to have much control over these sorts of things - that's one of the bad sides of divorce.
I recommend you avoid interrogating your child too much - they will sense they are being put in the middle, and that can be very damaging.
