Once Reconcilliation Has Occurred

[Underdog]

Okay, well, since I haven't packed away all my Halloween stuff, I'm donning my shark costume. Since you asked me to dance, I'm going to let you lead, fishy friend. I will just ask more questions.

But before I do, I see some things that were true last year. And I think you are on to something about what is bothering him. If I had to wager, the book would be my suspicion.

Trish, last year it was the lawsuit. I think you've mentioned a few times that T does NOT handle extreme stress well. In the past, he's been able to stick his head in the sand, give you more of the same behavior, expect you to "wait on him, hand and foot" AND take care of the kids and everything else that needs the attention he does not want to give.

Uh, may I point out that you are very different now?

You have learned to ask for what you want, my friend. And I think in many ways, your behavior is speaking even when you are not verbalizing. Before I get too far, I would like to add that I don't think this is a negative thing, Trish.

Before, you would have sat silently in the background and accepted whatever he had to give you. Even when it made you miserable. The new Trish is willing to take a swing at the bat and express her feelings and fears.

And I suspect that he doesn't quite know what to do with this. The fact is, you're solution focused now and none of this seems to be a deal breaker for you. Or him. And he hasn't figured this out... yet.

Yes, I do recognize a lot of myself in him. (Sad to say.) If I were him and doing this tango with you, I think I would be asking for your support and help and for your understanding.

If I was able to post to him, I'd tell him to take a stress management class and figure out what the rest of the world does to deal with big stress!

But since you're the big variable in your M, I can't do that.

Here come the questions:

1. What can you do to show him that you are there for him? Does he need to hear something specific that would eliminate this need to jab at you?

2. Has he responded well to more physical affection when under this sort of stress? If so, can you show more of it?

3. Go back to when you 2 were just reconciling. You had the lawsuit looming over your head... what worked then? We both know the stress on both of you was astronomical. Yet you managed to step through quite a few landmines to move past it.

4. Is there something specific he needs to see from you or hear from you that you are just fine in your own transition? That you are excited about your new job? That you are looking forward to meeting new people (and possibly reassuring him for the zillionth time that you have chosen him over other men?)? That you are looking forward to taking this new path WITH him without needing him?

I dunno... if my memory serves me well, T doesn't like being needed when he is stressed out?

I've done my twirl, and I haven't landed on my butt from this costume. This song has ended, so I'm letting you decide if we need to sit the next dance out or we're going to give it another whirl!

You're a fabulous dancer, BTW.

Hugs!

Bets