Okay, so Betsey,
If I am following this:
He wants me to get him angry so he'll have a reason to......blow up??
I think I see where you are going....
He is unhappy about something.
If he makes me angry, then he can "show up and throw up" all over me, and then blame me that he got angry.

All because he is NOT dealing with SOMETHING??
Feeling something and wants to expode about it but can't...??

Possible ideas:
He is worried about my starting my new job??
(Possible attractive men in the firm(construction firm) and I will not be able to wait on him hand and foot now that I will be busy??)
He HAS mentioned SEVERAL times how I will be "busy" once I start and how I won't be able to wait hand and foot on him.

OR:

The book is a major stressor right now...He has only 10 days until deadline for 1/4 of the book to be to the editor, he needs about 100 pages, along with work, he may be concerned about bitting off more than he can chew?

QUOTE:

"What purpose did his anger serve??"

It got my sympathy?
It got my co-operation?
It got me to take responsibility for how he is feeling instead of him being to blame?
So that if something does go wrong, it's my fault????

How's that??

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU( sigh of relief)
It is about him.

Okay, I really think you are onto something.
But how to short circuit this dynamic is <<<<KEY>>>>

You and he can be alike, thank goodness for me, because you see right through him!! HAHA
But I must say, although you share the dynamic, your growth, compassion and self awareness is remarkable.Something he should aspire to!!

So if you wouldn't mind....put on your shark fin and let's TANGO!!
I could use the help.
Big hug!
Trish