You're right, and they assign a lot of that bad feeling to being caused by you, rightly or wrongly. They feel they are responsible for your feelings, and they don't want to be, and they resent you for it.

That's why "act as if" is so important. If you let them off the hook and demonstrate through your actions that "you are no longer responsible for my happiness", then they can approach you as a friend and not an adversary. You remove the black cloud from over your head, and the barbed wire from the approach to your front door. You need them to see you independently working on your flower garden with a smile on your face and the sun over your head. Who wouldn't want to get involved with that?

Accuray

Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015