Hey LivNL and Betsey....

As always I am reminded what a blessing you guys are!

Well, I've been giving alot of thought to your replys.
When I first read them, I was just relieved that there was something more to consider!

"Why ISN'T he with other women??"
I know that is a big question for me.

He has said many times in our history together that " He believes God brought us together. That I am the woman he is suppose to be with."
But I think that is his catholic upbringing speaking.
He says this, almost like HE can't really figure it out!

He certainly could have called it quits MANY, MANY times, but I think it's because he's found a way to have his cake and eat it too!
He could have a family, but not be responsible on a day to day basis, not have to deal with the everyday junk, but have access to the fun times, and of course to me...The little wife waiting patiently at home ready to love him and give him sex whenever he wanted it!

I guess I am just beginning to believe that it's because:

1. He wants to TRY and stay close to his kids and without me,that isn't going to happen.
2. I am sure he realizes, even more so after his forays last summer, no one else would put up with him like I do! NO ONE would do things for him like I do waiting on him and adapting to his moods, and letting him have his way on most everything we do.
3. He probably can't bring himself to be sexually open with anyone else. (He is on anti-depressants, cholestrol medicine, migraine meds, etc. and I know he is concerned about ED.....has a stash of viagra that he got while we were seperated.)
4. He doesn't really want to have to invest emotionally in any kind of relationship. (Let's face it, a relationship takes work! and he is not intertested in having to work at ANY relationship! Not his kids, not his mother, or brother, not me,very much, and so certainly not a stranger who would come into a relationship with some expectation that there would be something reciprocal.( At first it must be exciting to tell your story to someone else, but then after a while you have to care about THEM back....you have to have some interest in THEM...not just yourself, right?)
5. He wants to write( massive time consuming, event eliminator, sleep scheduling goal! and teach, also time consuming )and do things only HIS schedule.
6. He has high cholestrol so he doesn't like to eat out,(a dating nessessity )
7. He doesn't like to spend money on people who won't be around much.( again dating)
8. He has screws in his feet, so he doesn't participate in much outdoor activity (also not good for dating).
8. He doesn't drink, he doesn't have any buddies or groups he hangs around with.
9. He is very picky about socializing with others, he demands that people be intelligent or they just are not interesting for him. Therefore his social circle would iunclude Doctors, lawyers, other professionals who WORK!! and don't have alot of time for socializing!!

My point is, not too many women would put up with this, they would want to have a partner who is at least somewhat intertested in doing something togther that SHE might like to do...
Fortunately, I love to workout, I love the beach, I love solitude, I love politics and reading a good book...I love gourmet cooking and I love to travel, even at a moments notice, I am comfortable with fundraisiers, and benefits so we can socialize at these rather impersonal gatherings

and.....I adore our children, so keeping involved with them is always on my proirity list, if they want me for anything.
Except for the kids not a pretty picture, huh.
I am almost embarrased at how are relationship seems so lopsided.....UGH.
I am ashamed at myself for putting up with alot I should not have.
LivN, what you said about how they share details with spouses made me feel so much better ...You're right, I want him to tell me things, it's just such a weird position to be in!! Wanting to know but being hurt by what I then know.

I think he WAS testing the waters with those comments!
I mean, if I react to THOSE kind of innocuous statements what would I do with some bigger revelation?!

Betsey! I love your visuals!! D7 naked and running around, haha! I know your plate is always full, but someday you will look back and these will be such precious memories.
I know we have come far, I find it almost surreal, for both of us.

last year at this time, never in a million years would I have thought I would be here where I am and with T!

You of course are right...he needs something from me, but I struggle with what that is.

I don't think he is reverting to past behavior. I honestly don't. I don't think he is persuing any relationships here, now. If he was my only reaction, would be to leave immediately. I wouldn't even give him a chance. I don't think HE realizes that, he probably believes he could talk me into anything!

Good question...if I got angry, what would he do?
gotta think about that one for a bit.

In fact I think I need to digest your whole post because it is at the heart of what I am stuggling with.....

So I am stopping to go for a run and think some more..

As always you get right to it and I sooooo need that...

thank you my friends.