round 2

[someguy1233]

Firstly, I had my first session with a DB Coach on Thursday. I felt strong after hanging up the phone. I hung up with a plan to GAL and felt good about myself. For those reading my sitch, if you’ve been debating making the call to DB… DO IT!

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Now for my update:
The roller coaster continues on.

To recap… in the last month W has essentially said ILYBNILWY and wasn’t sure what to do. Then said maybe we could make M work and it wasn’t so bad, but was somewhat apprehensive. Then W went back to essentially ILYBNILWY as of Wednesday/Thursday (4 days ago).

This weekend was another upswing. On Saturday (April 28) I woke up to W wanting to talk. She had multiple points during the talk. I feel like I was given a to-do list to help make our relationship work! Her main points below:
*She apologized for being a “crazy person” the last few weeks and said she’s done being “crazy.”
*She again wants us to schedule a Mexico vacation to help us reconnect.
*She wants to work on us and wants us to find a new MC.
*She said things aren’t really so bad, but our main problem is our sex life. (My thoughts: We had a baby one year ago… I hear this is normal, but we need to figure out how to fix this….)
*She needs more physical closeness, even if sex isn’t the goal.
*She needs to be told she’s attractive.
*She needs more planned fun activities together.
*She said I’ve been great while she’s been “crazy.”
*She wants to figure out HER problem and learn why she always runs at the first sign of trouble or difficulty. This has been a life-long problem. Her therapist thinks she has OCD thought tendencies. She believes she finds one thing wrong with the relationship and that is all she can focus on until it is blown up into a giant deal in her mind. She wants to learn how to stop messing with relationships and just enjoy them. She also has a pattern of “opening up” to the wrong people… typically another male… (My thought: This “opening up” causes the emotional attachments she has with other men, which may be amplifying our issues each time we have a problem.)
*It’s easier for her to work on our M than it is for her to be with our S half the time if we split.
*She said her divorced friend admitted that her marriage probably wouldn’t have ended if they had been such good friends like my W and I are.
*She said she’s not drinking for the next week. She believes she’s been trying to drown her sorrows in alcohol and spending too much time at the bars and too much time away from home.
*She wants us both to have some hobbies outside of each other. She thinks this may help strengthen our relationship as we’ll have info/stories to share.

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The weekend went well. She gave multiple hugs and kisses. She didn’t say I love you, but this might be a start. I’m not going to push the words. On Saturday she did ask sadly, “do you still love me?” I think she was looking for validation… She’s also taken to kissing me on the cheek. This is different; she’s always been a lip kisser….

Saturday night I grabbed a movie and asked her if she’d like to join me on the couch. She accepted and cuddled up next to me. Afterwards she said it was really nice and she enjoyed being home with me.

On both Saturday and Sunday she suggested we do a “Couples Table Topics” card. This was an activity the MC had suggested to help create more interesting conversation. We actually did the activity and it was fun to talk about something other than work or chores.

We had my family over for brunch on Sunday. I dressed up nice. She noticed and said I looked hot. I sprayed cologne and she said it smelled like, “sexy man.” Later in the day she repeated, “wow. You look REALLY HOT.” That night she initiated sex.

Last night she slept snuggled up to me the entire night. This morning she said good morning and gave me a kiss. She wanted another kiss before leaving for work.


I’m happy this morning. I feel strong. But at the same time, I’m trying to remain grounded. She’s had upswings before and then crushed me with another ILYBNILWY bomb. I’m hoping this doesn’t take another turn back to ILYBNILWY, but I need to be cautious. I’m listening to the audio book of “The 5 Love Languages.” I’m also going to continue to GAL. I need to be strong in case this is just another hill on the roller coaster.