So it is official. H has moved into the spare bedroom. I shouldn't let it bother me but it just seems so cold. So distant. So uncaring. I remember how he used to tell me he could not sleep well unless I was near him.
So I don't know if it because he can't stand being around me or if it because OW is out in the open now and he feels too guilty to sleep in the same room as me. It just hurts. But I don't know how more distance is going to help our situation. Seems like we should get closer not farther away from each other.
This just feels so wrong.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Isn't being compassionate going to make him feel more guilty? More shameful? I guess the only alternative is to be cold and mean and I won't do that. I said my piece about it when he brought it up. Now I need to move on. I guess I am wondering how our relationship can improve if he is too guilty to be around me?
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I guess what bothers me more than anything is his refusal to acknowledge that what we had was special and real. I dont understand how he Could think it is so easily replaceable? I guess I just don't understand the depth of his emotional pain and anger. I guess my only option at this point is to pray.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Not having a good day. I feel like after all the DB'ing I have been doing I am back to square one. I have been reading different posts from WAS and their mindsets and now I am back to kicking myself again. I know I need to take this energy and focus it onto making changes to myself that make me happy. I feel like I am back in the fog. I feel discouraged and hopeless.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So on the way home H calls to see if I am taking S to soccer practice. I say yes and I will pick up D too. He says he will pick up S after practice and pick up some beer. I ask if he will get some for me as well and he says yes. I was upbeat, friendly and happy. He seemed somewhat receptive on the phone but by the time I got home he was back in his shell. He barely grimaced at me when I walked in and immediately picked up his iPad and buried himself in Cityville or whatever it is. So weird. H used to give me the look whenever I would play Angry Birds Or a game of solitaire. He is just so unlike himself it makes my head spin.
So when I am happy and upbeat he retreats. When I seem upset and despondent he is upbeat and happy!!! Do I really make him that miserable?? I am starting to think this divorce is a good thing because he really affects my mood. Maybe time apart is best for the both of us. He has obviously changed for the worse. Which is a shame because he used to be such a wonderful, caring, genuine man. I feel like a widow.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
is what you must unlearn. You're responsible for your mood and he's responsible for his. You shouldn't have to go through life at the beck and call of other people's moods, and this is the place to learn and practice that.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I know. I am trying to fake it until I make it. He is just Mr. Cranky Pants tonight and I hear him downstairs snapping at the kids. Doing the same exact thing he said he hated me doing!!! I am upstairs acting as if and I am going to take a long hot shower and let him deal with the kids. He needs to get used to dealing with them on his own.
He just acts like he can't stand being around us. I just don't understand it!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Watching H interact with the kids. I just sit back and don't interfere. He tries too hard to get the kids to interact. It just seems fake to me. H and S have been having a battle of wills lately. I am staying out of it unless S comes to me and wants to talk. He is very protective of me and I think he is angry. I ask him if he is Okay or does he want to talk and he usually tells me he is okay. I am thinking I need to have him talk to a counselor as I want him to express himself. Of course, H thinks the kids will be just fine. Of course he would have to be blind as a bat not to see that this is already affecting them.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I agree with AD...you have to stop letting him affect your mood. Believe me, I know how hard it is. Let him be Mr. Grumpy if he wants to.
Having your son talk to a counselor isn't a bad idea if you can see how this is all affecting your son. Maybe you and H can meet with a counselor first to see how to go about it? Just a thought.
