My Story/Mixed Messages...

[2012sf]

Journaling--After he brought the kids back home tonight, he was cooled down much more and he told me he doesn't like fighting with me and doesn't want to fight with me. He looked better and I could see the calmer demeanor. So guess I did good telling him to take them and stepping back. It wasn't really progress on our marriage, but if I hadn't done that and let him leave, he would have been really mad and I don't want to provoke him into trying to get legal separation stuff and visitation type things going. I know if I can keep him coming and going from the house frequently without us fighting, that is better than nothing.

So after that I took the kids shopping for a few summer things they needed. When we got home, I texted him a picture of what we bought and had the kids call and tell him about everything and thank him for it all. I got on the phone after they were done and talked for a minute or so and told him a few things about the evening and that we had fun, but missed him. It was a good talk, but I know it was pursueing behavior. I'm trying to extend friendship though, and use the words of affirmation. He liked it.

And I texted him later and told him thank you from me for being there for us even though we were having problems and sorting everything out. I am truly grateful he is the type of guy he is. He hasn't changed a single thing financially, and keeps saying he won't until I am through school, in a new job, and we are ready together to do it. I control our joint account, and he has his check deposited right into it. We've set up a separate one for him and I give him a check for his expenses and he takes care of that account, but I know I could be in a much worse financial situation than we are in right now. Anyway, I was honest about what I told him and just wanted to make sure he knew I appreciated that and that our kids are lucky they are taken care of like they are. I felt like it was also good and I think it went a little ways towards further healing from Saturday afternoons debacle.